People like this deeply confuse me
The IRS ain’t sending an agent to you specifically unless you’ve done something well beyond the pale of what can just be excused as a mix-up or simple misunderstanding
You gotta be in a whole different kinda space for the tax man to be someone you gotta personally interact with.
anyone who actually pays taxes is a moron
I was shooting heroin and reading “The Fountainhead” in the front seat of my privately owned police cruiser when a call came in. I put a quarter in the radio to activate it. It was the chief.
“Bad news, detective. We got a situation.”
“What? Is the mayor trying to ban trans fats again?”
“Worse. Somebody just stole four hundred and forty-seven million dollars’ worth of bitcoins.”
The heroin needle practically fell out of my arm. “What kind of monster would do something like that? Bitcoins are the ultimate currency: virtual, anonymous, stateless. They represent true economic freedom, not subject to arbitrary manipulation by any government. Do we have any leads?”
“Not yet. But mark my words: we’re going to figure out who did this and we’re going to take them down … provided someone pays us a fair market rate to do so.”
“Easy, chief,” I said. “Any rate the market offers is, by definition, fair.”
He laughed. “That’s why you’re the best I got, Lisowski. Now you get out there and find those bitcoins.”
“Don’t worry,” I said. “I’m on it.”
I put a quarter in the siren. Ten minutes later, I was on the scene. It was a normal office building, strangled on all sides by public sidewalks. I hopped over them and went inside.
“Home Depot™ Presents the Police!®” I said, flashing my badge and my gun and a small picture of Ron Paul. “Nobody move unless you want to!” They didn’t.
“Now, which one of you punks is going to pay me to investigate this crime?” No one spoke up.
“Come on,” I said. “Don’t you all understand that the protection of private property is the foundation of all personal liberty?”
It didn’t seem like they did.
“Seriously, guys. Without a strong economic motivator, I’m just going to stand here and not solve this case. Cash is fine, but I prefer being paid in gold bullion or autographed Penn Jillette posters.”
Nothing. These people were stonewalling me. It almost seemed like they didn’t care that a fortune in computer money invented to buy drugs was missing.
I figured I could wait them out. I lit several cigarettes indoors. A pregnant lady coughed, and I told her that secondhand smoke is a myth. Just then, a man in glasses made a break for it.
“Subway™ Eat Fresh and Freeze, Scumbag!®” I yelled.
Too late. He was already out the front door. I went after him.
“Stop right there!” I yelled as I ran. He was faster than me because I always try to avoid stepping on public sidewalks. Our country needs a private-sidewalk voucher system, but, thanks to the incestuous interplay between our corrupt federal government and the public-sidewalk lobby, it will never happen.
I was losing him. “Listen, I’ll pay you to stop!” I yelled. “What would you consider an appropriate price point for stopping? I’ll offer you a thirteenth of an ounce of gold and a gently worn ‘Bob Barr ‘08’ extra-large long-sleeved men’s T-shirt!”
He turned. In his hand was a revolver that the Constitution said he had every right to own. He fired at me and missed. I pulled my own gun, put a quarter in it, and fired back. The bullet lodged in a U.S.P.S. mailbox less than a foot from his head. I shot the mailbox again, on purpose.
“All right, all right!” the man yelled, throwing down his weapon. “I give up, cop! I confess: I took the bitcoins.”
“Why’d you do it?” I asked, as I slapped a pair of Oikos™ Greek Yogurt Presents Handcuffs® on the guy.
“Because I was afraid.”
“Afraid?”
“Afraid of an economic future free from the pernicious meddling of central bankers,” he said. “I’m a central banker.”
I wanted to coldcock the guy. Years ago, a central banker killed my partner. Instead, I shook my head.
“Let this be a message to all your central-banker friends out on the street,” I said. “No matter how many bitcoins you steal, you’ll never take away the dream of an open society based on the principles of personal and economic freedom.”
He nodded, because he knew I was right. Then he swiped his credit card to pay me for arresting him.
Now this is a masterpiece. How have I not seen this al dente copypasta before?
It’s a classic, but is cream of the crop
Can chatgpt write copypasta?!?
Oh good. I don’t have to copy and paste it myself. 🤘 lol
Nice, I used this to get the Ancap community to get shut down
What? Ancaps love this copypasta more than anyone else.
/u/Masterpain created an ancap community
he also left it devoid of content
the only 3 posts there were me saying ancap was a fake, paradoxical political idea, his intro to ancap post and me posting this copypasta
other people were also laughing at him and his community
he shut it down in shame and deleted his account.
Get off the road freeloader.
Well, sure hope you haven’t done a lot of existing in public lately, because damn near everything out there has my tax dollars in it, and I’d appreciate you not abusing them. Get off my roads, get out of my schools, get out of my parks, unless you’re paying into them.
Also, keep an eye out for the nice men knocking at the door. They’ll be there soon with some questions, I’m sure.
Fun fact, every capitalist dreams of taxing others for no reason, only they call it rent or subscription and won’t always deliver their end of the bargain.
There are so many times a libertarian has told me their libertarian way of doing things and I say to them that it sounds to me like they’re talking about taxation with extra steps and bigger threats and it’s always “no no no, but see you don’t have to pay for the fire department to come to your house, but no one will insure your house and it will be worthless…”
As noted non-moron Wesley Snipes can tell you.
So red pilled
Wesley Snipes is that you?
IRS agents generally don’t like making their job harder. Don’t piss them off and you’ll probably be fine.
The IRS? Did he like, not pay taxes on his suicide vest or something?
Who among us has not done that.
It’s a work experience. Well I’m about to have it as my uniform for a day
If it’s a work uniform then it can be deducted
Who among us
I had this entire sequence play through my head when I read your comment
Here is an alternative Piped link(s):
Piped is a privacy-respecting open-source alternative frontend to YouTube.
I’m open-source; check me out at GitHub.
He threw out the receipt after declaring it as a business expense.
The banality of evil. A roku remote, Christmas themed tea towel, a Christmas snowman countdown calendar, and a suicide vest to and paying taxes
Suicide vest is in christmas colors too
Merry Christmas ya filthy animal
We’re the Wet Bandits
I feel like Roku customers are just the right amount of intelligent to post their suicide vest jokes on Twitter and think it’s not a big deal
jokes are protected speech. any amount of actual investigation would have found that they don’t own anything like that. fuck government intimidators
This was the investigation and they apparently let him go if he’s posting about it. Right or wrong I’m not surprised they postured strongly at a guy making threat jokes.
You don’t wanna fuck with the IRS.
Even the Joker is afraid of the IRS.
As Behind the Bastards pointed out recently in their Kent Hovind episode, the IRS doesn’t give a shit about what illegal or immoral activity you commit, they literally just want you to pay taxes on it.
It used to be tax deductable to bribe government officials of foreign governments.
Unrelated, if you get bribed in time with a hooker do you report it based on what she charges or fair market rate or is there a set amount? I feel like someone at the IRS sat down and came up with an answer to this.
It’s a separate form complete with nine pages of instructions outlining how to calculate market values based on region and services rendered. The formula isn’t helpful, so in the end you just put in half of what you paid and hope you don’t get audited.
Must be an interesting audit.
IRS agent: so you put down that you received a “Cincinnati Steamer” as part of your compensation for employing this vendor.
Dude: that’s right
IRS agent: please describe what goes into a Cincinnati Steamer so I can assign it to a category or categories. Also do you happen to have her W2s and social security number?
Dude: sure, and no I don’t have her paperwork. Surprisingly she didn’t share it with me.
Not familiar with that show/movie/whatever, but they aren’t wrong. The IRS just wants to be paid. You pay them, they leave you alone. Done.
It’s a podcast and it is delightful! In a depressive, horror-inducing kind of way.
They do deep dives are random shitty people throughout history, and occasionally contemporary people like Andrew Tate. Usually it is people like 1940s gangsters, 1990s drug kingpins, King Leopold the 2nd, and fittest gurus from the 1800s.
Don’t forget megachurch pastors.
Here, now you are Edit: upon rereading, I misread what you said. This is the joker paying taxes
Here is an alternative Piped link(s):
Piped is a privacy-respecting open-source alternative frontend to YouTube.
I’m open-source; check me out at GitHub.
He’s only not wearing the vest in the second photo because that’s the FBI not the IRS.
You gotta wonder though did it cross their minds to just say “IRS please open up!” To see what would happen
They thought about it but were too afraid of the IRS to do it.
More likely the TCIS, as they investigate threats against the IRS.
You know, of all the things of this post, it’s the Roku remote that really confuses me. Was he holding it when he answered the door? Was it in his pocket and he took it out when was looking for phone to make the Tweet?
I think those are two entirely different days, and the second day the friendly neighborhood FBI field office agents brought the printout of the first day with them to confront CoreyPilat over his vague threat towards federal officers.
So the remote being on his kitchen countertop is just random coincidence and does not figure into the continuity between the two posts.
The police brought it, it was evidence.
The remote for the TV in the adjacent room is often in the kitchen, as the tv will be on when I’m cooking.
There might be a TV just out of frame on the left. I’ve known so many people who have a TV of some kind in the kitchen/prep area.
So did the cops really show up to these dudes house? What’s the deal?
this is pretty regular. It happens a lot with people who order large amounts of “suspicious chemicals” Styropyro got a visit from, i believe the ATF, might be wrong it’s been a minute since i’ve watched that video, for procuring chemicals that can be used for nefarious purposes in mass quantities.
Similar things have happened with farmers, (fertilizer can often be used in improvised bombs) You will almost certainly see something similar if you directly threaten the government, though it’s usually "hey uh, don’t do this, this is bad, also we’re going to make sure you aren’t a terrorist real quick.
Especially farmers. Many of them have stores of diesel fuel and fertilizer…
well i mean diesel isn’t that weird. Anyone running a construction business also has a lot of stored diesel fuel.
You’d be more concerned if someone had lots of gasoline, but even then that’s not a massive concern.
It’s not usual in the normal populous i suppose, but then again, there are a lot of things that aren’t so.
Anyone running a construction business also has a lot of stored diesel fuel.
But they don’t usually have tons of fertilizers, too.
true, though the fertilizer would likely be the bigger concern.
Well on the bright side I am sure this person has a bunch of new followers on X. Granted most of them are trying to build a criminal case against him for further profoundly dumb posts but still. All publicity is good publicity
The Inevitable Vest
Somehow, I imagined this conversation between mr. jeeniuz and the feds:
“It’s not bombs, officers, it’s just my MJ stash!”
“Oh, so you’re drug trafficking”
“Ye-NO!”
