Imagine opening a phishing link and suddenly your balls are taken hostage by a hacker
WannaCry? No, WannaCum.
Can still cum, just no sperm 🥲
“Pay me 5 Bitcoin or I’ll give you an errection in front of the HR manager.”
Or worse
"Pay me 5 Bitcoin or you’ll never get an errection again.*
Even worse
“You are now on a per-boner subscription plan”
They could just straight up drain your balls and leave them drier than the Sahara desert.
1: Nobody would notice regardless
2: That’ll happen even without you
3: :'(
Future kink
Cannot pee anymore :(
(because the pee is stored in the balls)
Don’t kinkshame me
Or someone triggers this remotely after it has been off for like 2 years. You sit on Monday morning meeting. You get up to the screen to present your new project and boom.
After you get snipped, it’s potentially weeks/months before you are shooting blanks, a switch like this is less of babies/no babies and more like babies/accidental babies.
Edit: sorry for facts on shit post
Yes here is an article about it. Article
The relevant part. “The binary nature of the Bimek SLV might make it seem that you can switch off your potency at will, but the body will need time to flush existing sperm out of the system, as it were. The ever-helpful FAQ says that it may take up to three months, or “until about your 30th ejaculation.” Whichever comes first is a question only you can answer.”
30th ejaculation? pfft, hold my beer and watch this.
Yep. For anyone who’s that serious about not having children, that’s more like an incentive.
Source: got snipped.
When I got mine, the doc said I should wait about two weeks then “ejaculate as frequently as possible” before returning for the scheduled checkup/semen test.
Doctor’s orders! 🫡
Lol I was given the same advice.
“Go home, rest up for two weeks, the bust as much as you can before you come back and get tested”
That’s like half a day. What am I supposed to do with the other half?
Beat your meat in the missus?
Gotta wait for the clear bill of health
You’re lying. 42 a day is the limit.
Weirdest gdq speedrun ever?
I’ll hold your beer, but I’m not providing an audience.
Screw this guy. I’ll cheer you and bring you water when you’re done
Yeah…you need to be hydrating if you’re fapping several times a day.
That’s just good science.
To clarify why, it’s because sperm travels through those tubes for at least 5 days before reaching maturity and then once in position can be ejaculated by a pressure differential caused by the prostate (that bulb thing between the balls and urethra). So an effective switch with an instant effect would need to be placed before but directly adjacent to the prostate which could have potential complications when the prostate attempts to dry fire with the feed shuttered.
The solution is clearly to add a synthetic pressure bladder. (Don’t, I’m joking).
This was my first thought. I could see this being a medical procedure in place of a vasectomy. Get switch (or something less likely to get bumped) installed and set to off. Then when you want to have kids, another procedure to turn the switch on.
People keep looking for a quick fix for male sperm control, I didn’t think it is possible. At least not as a off and on solution that keeps coming up.
Maybe this plus a urethral spermicide enema?
I was in a band called Urethral Spermicide Enema. We were the least successful string quartet in the Florida panhandle.
Did you have to get a USE to join the band?
Should’ve gone to Gainesville
I think you’ll need to go deeper than just the urethra.
Yeah, but you still gotta go through it
There’s a big difference between this and getting snipped. The difference is, like, vast. It’s a vast difference.
More of a vas deferens I think
Yes, indeed, you said the funny part aloud.
Angry up vote
This, but I want the voice command changed to “Go go gadget genitalia”
I’d just want the Super Mario power-up/power-down sound effects.
And when you insert it you hear the sound effect from when he goes down into a pipe.
And the underground theme plays while doing it. As you get closer, the sped up version plays.
I’m in a loud public place so I didn’t attempt clicking/listening, but I heard both those sounds/music in my head anyway. I spent too much time on that game as a kid.
Go go gadget dick
Can you reset any of the voice assistants to respond instead of Siri or Alexa or Bixby or whatever to “go go gadget?”
i like how each tube has an individual switch. for when you only want some cum
Its so you can decide if its gonna be a boy or a girl
That’s not where cum comes from. Your testes only produce spermatozoa
No that’s where the pee is stored.
The breeding kink option
I discovered this amazing life hack. If you never talk to women, you’ll never have sex with one and then you’ll never have kids.
I discovered a life hack to have sex without such a tool without getting anyone pregnant…
🏳️🌈
And I discovered a life hack to get pregnant through gay sex!
🏳️⚧️
D:
So a toggleable vasectomy.
Trouble is you need a several days (maybe a week or more) and/or a few ejaculations to actually be sterile after a vasectomy… So this isn’t the kind of thing that you can flip on in the moment and you’re safe.
Better to keep it off until you and your wife are trying for a kid than keep it on and flip it off for saf(er) sex. Why keep your cum on while you’re just walking around?
Mostly for fashion reasons
I’d imagine most men would only need to actually use the switch twice in their lives anyways. So having to wait a couple weeks wouldn’t be too bad.
They told me three months. In case the wires reconnect
wait till this comes with a monthly subscription
When Google wont give you back the API keys to the chastity electrodes
Hang on one second babe…
(clap-clap)
Things you don’t want tied to a clapper may include this device.
Go to a play
“Fuck was that even or odd?! I’ve been workin’ on this date since dinner!”
Great! Someone should write HomeAssistant integration!
“Hey, Google, I’m having sex!”
Google turns down the lights and turns on the balls.
The stereo starts playing Yakety Sax
Remember to flip the switch back on when you need to pee
Not the same plumbing.
TIL. Thanks.
Contrary to common belief, pee is, in fact, stored in the balls.
Yeah, TIL about the meme. Whoosh for me.
Congrats! You were one of today’s lucky ten thousand!
Forget the Codom and Get STIs
Bro forgot about committed and closed relationships
As a matter of fact, I’m in a committed and open relationship.
Hence why STDs are a concern for you, but not necessarily for everyone
Safe folks don’t need marketing.
Folks taking risks can be helped by marketing.
The comment makes sense to me as stands. Guess it could say “20-70% of you!” as an addendum (wonder what the percentage is…)
I don’t want a kill-switch. I want a turbo-button to slice metal sheets with a jet of cum.
You need a button for that?
If you are experiencing pressure issues just mitigate the issue by adding acids (via special infection cultures in the balls) to the cum, or some abrasive materials (jagged kidney/bladder stones perhaps?).
is this one of them brandnewsentences?
I’d just forget which one is on and which one is off. Also I have zero need for the on setting.
Just redirect my urethra and install a single Y-Valve. Flip the switch up and I cum out the tip, flip the switch down and I cum out my taint.
Ultimate pull-out method.
You could even add a bag attachment and keep it for later!
Saving up cums so I can do one huge pint-sized cum.
Googling “What is the shelf life of cum?”
I’d say “imagine having to explain to your date why you’ve got cum in your ass”, but it sounds like you already did.
