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Gork@lemm.ee to Lemmy Shitpost@lemmy.world · 5 months ago

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Gork@lemm.ee to Lemmy Shitpost@lemmy.world · 5 months ago
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  • GreenSkree@lemmy.world
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    5 months ago

    They missed so many opportunities to make it actually a nightmare. Adding these should help…

    Standard plan:

    • 2 DPI settings. (50, 32000)

    Premium plan:

    • 3 DPI settings! (50, 100, 32000)
    • Ad Free!

    Pro-gamer plan ($45/mo)

    • Mouse acceleration toggle
    • 1 customizable DPI settings (more available @ $5/mo each)
    • Middle mouse click functionality unlocked! (Bound to backspace. Customizable binding @ $2/mo)
    • AI tooltips to suggest when/where to click next. ($5/Mo to disable)
    • Cloud backup*

    *Requires Internet connection. Mouse falls back to standard plan and settings when not connected. Requires device reboot to re-enable subscription after disconnect.

    Edit: formatting

    • NegativeNull@lemmy.world
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      5 months ago

      Thanks Satan

    • bangsnooter@lemmy.zip
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      5 months ago

      This hurts to read.

    • Archer@lemmy.world
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      5 months ago

      How long could a mouse take to reboot, Michael? An hour?

    • TJA!@sh.itjust.works
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      5 months ago

      No, you can’t disable AI, because “people want that” ™

    • NegativeLookBehind@lemmy.world
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      deleted by creator

    • Valmond@lemmy.world
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      5 months ago

      And it will anti cheat a little on the cheap tier when you play games.

    • dutchkimble@lemy.lol
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      5 months ago

      At least this provider gives unlimited free scrolling!

  • RememberTheApollo_@lemmy.world
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    5 months ago

    This is close enough to reality that I’m irritated.

    • macniel@feddit.org
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      5 months ago

      Close enough? Ma dude, Logitech really wanted to do this shit, but has to backpedal after getting massive flak.

      • FelixCress@lemmy.world
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        5 months ago

        I didn’t believe you so I googled it and you are correct. For fuck sake…

      • RememberTheApollo_@lemmy.world
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        5 months ago

        Quickest way to make me DIY my own mouse.

    • GreatAlbatross@feddit.uk
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      5 months ago

      It’s reminding me of the 3rd party utility apps on the Apple Store.

      They seem to have ditched “limited features for free” in favour of “nothing at all until you subscribe, first 7 days free”

  • Ensign_Crab@lemmy.world
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    5 months ago

    Do not read aloud from a book that summons demons. Not even as a joke.

  • MonkderVierte@lemmy.ml
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    5 months ago

    Hrm.

    Logitech has an idea for a “forever mouse” that requires a subscription

    Logitech confirms subscription-based “forever mouse” isn’t happening following backlash

    • BoxOfFeet@lemmy.world
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      5 months ago

      Well, that’s the dumbest thing I’ve read in a while. I have a Trackman from 2004 that’s still plugging along, no subscription software updates required. If your stuff isn’t shit, it lasts forever anyways.

      • Breadhax0r@lemmy.world
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        5 months ago

        I remember back when Logitech was a brand that was known for quality.

      • psud@aussie.zone
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        5 months ago

        I have a mouse that plugs into a COM port as my 286 doesn’t have USB or PS/2. I’m not entirely sure how old it is, but I’d be surprised if it post dates 1990

        Anyway, good luck making a forever mouse when the main cause for replacing mouses is their connector being out dated

    • Sam_Bass@lemmy.world
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      5 months ago

      My current led mouse has been going for 10 years with no signs of slowing down, so take that sub and stuff it

    • Schadrach@lemmy.sdf.org
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      5 months ago

      You know what, I’d be all behind a subscription mouse so long as it includes periodic hardware upgrades and unlimited warranty replacements no questions asked so long as the subscription is paid.

      Admittedly, I’d be trying to figure out the most interesting ways to actively destroy mice to make them rue the day they thought a mouse subscription was a good idea, but that’s beside the point. Why no, I can’t return the damaged mouse, it’s at the bottom of a hole in the woods no human has been down since the civil war. Just like it was none of your business how I found out that the mouse isn’t resistant to hydrofluoric acid.

  • Synapse@lemmy.world
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    5 months ago

    It’s all fun and games, until it becomes real and people buy it, then all competitors align and it’s the new norm.

  • Makeshift@sh.itjust.works
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    5 months ago

    It’s a meme now. Give it a few years and it’ll be more than a meme.

    • modifier@lemmy.ca
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      5 months ago

      One man’s meme is another monster’s inspiration

      • superkret@feddit.org
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        5 months ago

        Drink a can of Monster to continue clicking

        • K̺͆e̺͆t̺͆a̺͆m̺͆i̺͆n̺͆e̺͆@sh.itjust.works
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          5 months ago

          Stand up and clap to end the commercial

    • Kornblumenratte@feddit.org
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      5 months ago

      It’s not a meme.

      • Makeshift@sh.itjust.works
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        5 months ago

        WELP. Can’t say I’m surprised.

  • iAvicenna@lemmy.world
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    5 months ago

    your red pixel clicking cartridge has run out. you wont be able to click on any other pixels until you refill your red pixel clicking cartridge.

    • NegativeLookBehind@lemmy.world
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      deleted by creator

  • Gorusnor@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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    5 months ago

    ☹️ but i cant click to subscribe.

    • Valmond@lemmy.world
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      5 months ago

      You can, but it’s 10 cents a click!

    • KomfortablesKissen@discuss.tchncs.de
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      5 months ago

      Just buy a second mouse. C’mon dude, it’s like you’re not even trying to pay!

      • GHiLA@sh.itjust.works
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        5 months ago

        puts dollar near CD drive

        it actually takes it

        Holy shit.

        I have a CD drive!

    • sudo42@lemmy.world
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      5 months ago

      You can only click after watching 3 5 11 ads.

    • telllos@lemmy.world
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      5 months ago

      Data pack work like that, the page to order the data pack doesn’t cost anything to reach.

      I would assume that the app would have click working

  • cmrn@lemmy.world
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    Oh god oh no I used my last click now I can’t select a plan

    • Anti_Iridium@lemmy.world
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      5 months ago

      Yes you can! Only $0.10 per additional click!

      • ByteMe@lemmy.world
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        5 months ago

        And how will I click that? Oh, it’s automatic! For our convenience!

        • YoorWeb@lemmy.world
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          5 months ago

          “remind me later” works only if you double click it.

  • taiyang@lemmy.world
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    5 months ago

    It’s a good thing that market is so saturated that there’d always be a cheap uncomplicated mouse with all your features, unless you’re some sort of MMO mouse person.

    That said, a company can probably still sell this to the government with enough lobbying. Those chumps love wasting cash on subscriptions they don’t need (looking at you, Adobe Cloud).

    • queermunist she/her@lemmy.ml
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      That’s why they’ll make it so Windows requires your mouse to have official Microsoft drivers for compatibility.

      • Hupf@feddit.org
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        5 months ago

        Hahaha, Windows, lol.

  • irelephant [he/him]🍭@lemm.ee
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    5 months ago

    I can navigate with keyboard shortcuts.

    • Professorozone@lemmy.world
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      5 months ago

      I’m sorry, you are out of keyboard clicks.

      • irelephant [he/him]🍭@lemm.ee
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        5 months ago

        I’ll just use my graphics tablet.

        • Krzd@lemmy.world
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          5 months ago

          I’m sorry, you’re out of graphics.

          • irelephant [he/him]🍭@lemm.ee
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            5 months ago

            Connect with rdp with my laptop with a touchscreen

            • hardcoreufo@lemmy.world
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              5 months ago

              You’re out of RDPs

              • Iheartcheese@lemmy.world
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                5 months ago

                I can cry.

                • Steak@lemmy.ca
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                  5 months ago

                  Subscribe to tears monthly for more tears you’ve reached your tears limit for this month.

  • fox@feddit.org
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    Living in 2024, I’m not even sure if this is a joke or not. I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s a subscription for damn oxygen soon. Oh, wait, that’s taxes!

    • Iheartcheese@lemmy.world
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      It’s only partially a joke. I can’t remember who but some company was bragging about their subscription based mouse they had in the works.

      Edit

      • Breadhax0r@lemmy.world
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        This reads like an onion article. Who’s constantly buying new mice? And they’re trying to target consumers who “don’t have both a mouse and keyboard” by trying to sell them a $200 mouse…

        I’ve been using the same razer chroma I bought 15 years ago and it’s still perfectly fine.

    • 5714@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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      Unless you pay a carbon tax or pay taxes that pay for CCS, taxes aren’t supplying air.

  • udon@lemmy.world
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    Business idea: The mouse manufacturers play the middle man in the click economy. Users can add an extra “click safety” package for $3,99/month, which prevents them from clicking on ads/misleading content. “Good” and “ethical” advertisers can get in touch with the “business communication” office of the mouse manufacturers to buy exception deals, because “their ads are okay”

  • rem26_art@fedia.io
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    idk I’ve been thinking about getting the standard plan. 10k clicks isn’t much, but If i quit Leauge, then I think i can get by. And I can’t stand the ad supported basic tier anymore. I can’t take one more ad for that crypto exchange

    • WalrusDragonOnABike [they/them]@lemmy.today
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      It is often fun choosing to read “clicks” as “dicks” due to how similar they look. Imagin’ you getting 10,000’s of dicks via LoL every month.

      • Ookami38@sh.itjust.works
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        10,000 dicks a month from lol is rookie numbers, honestly.

        • Default_Defect@midwest.social
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          In a row??

          • Ookami38@sh.itjust.works
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            At once.

  • pivot_root@lemmy.world
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    Vim users: *entirely unaffected*

    • Agent641@lemmy.world
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      They won’t even see the ad because they can’t get out of Vim.

      • coffee_tacos@mander.xyz
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        “I can get out anytime I want, I just like it here” - vim user

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