• Nythos@sh.itjust.works
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        9 months ago

        Simply asking someone for their number is not harassment.

        Repeatedly asking for someone’s number after being told no is.

        There isn’t any nuance to this situation.

        • quindraco@lemm.ee
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          9 months ago

          Telling someone they’re beautiful when they think you’re gross is creepy/harassment.

          • Thorny_Insight@lemm.ee
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            9 months ago

            It’s okay to talk to women if you’re a male model but stay the fuck away if you aren’t. Got it.

          • dfc09@lemmy.world
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            9 months ago

            “when they think you’re gross”

            How can I know if someone thinks I’m gross if I haven’t spoken to them yet? I should just assume I’m gross, always?

            • quindraco@lemm.ee
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              9 months ago

              That’s the fun part, you can’t. Don’t assume they think you’re gross, but do remember that you don’t know what they think.

                • douglasg14b@lemmy.world
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                  9 months ago

                  Or 3rd wave femanist. Hard to tell the difference sometimes 🤔

                  (For examples, head over to TwoXChromosones for nearly identical hot takes as the commenter above yours)

              • AVincentInSpace@pawb.social
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                9 months ago

                But if I tell them they’re beautiful and it turns out they think I’m gross I could go to prison for harassment! Am I really just supposed to roll the dice like that?

                  • AVincentInSpace@pawb.social
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                    9 months ago

                    Oh, you’re right! I’ll only get sued and probably lose my job. That makes it okay then.

                    But just to think that none of that would have happened of someone sexier than I was had done the exact same things I had done!

          • Signtist@lemm.ee
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            9 months ago

            Correct, but you won’t know if they think you’re gross until you talk to them. If you see that they think you’re gross, you stop. It’s harassment when you see that they think you’re gross but continue talking to them anyway, because at that point you know they aren’t going to respond well to you, and you’re just continuing on to spite them.

            • Jarix@lemmy.world
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              9 months ago

              I ponder if people are comfortable expressing to someone they just meet that they find them gross? Hmm

              My point is there often is nothing to see because that’s actively attempting to be hidden. Good normal decent people don’t like the feeling of giving people bad news already but when it’s bad news about something so personal and also recognizing that not everyone gets dealt the best hand in life?

              It’s insane to put the entirety of responsibility to “read the room” on one person even if they are the initiator.

              This is where social contract comes in. We all need a new modern social contract we can agree on to help us remove these barriers of interaction.

              But i guess that’s the point of these types of works is to bring attention to that situation. It’s a valid observation i think, commentary on it aside for now

              • Signtist@lemm.ee
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                9 months ago

                Well, if you’re actively trying to hide your disgust from someone, it’s because you don’t want them to know, at which point you obviously can’t expect them to react to it. Ultimately, it’s not about you trying to divine someone’s real feelings, instead it’s about reacting to what they do show you. It’s the responsibility of everyone who interacts with others in a public space to be knowledgeable about both verbal and nonverbal cues that someone’s not interested, so that they can display and/or recognize them as required.

                • Jarix@lemmy.world
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                  9 months ago

                  As far as i can tell we said the same thing. I will admit i have a hard time figuring our how to explain what im thinking so im not attempting to blame anyone here

                  It’s the responsibility of everyone who interacts with others in a public space to be knowledgeable about both verbal and nonverbal cues that someone’s not interested, so that they can display and/or recognize them as required.

                  This is part of what i envision a new modern social contract would take care of

                  • Signtist@lemm.ee
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                    9 months ago

                    We have similar points, but I’m saying that it’s already the current social contract. Both parties are expected to respectfully respond to the others’ cues. Different people have an easier or harder time learning these cues, but there’s not really an excuse - we all have to work hard enough to get to the point where we can function socially in the community. Now, as is the case with any contract, there are going to be people who ignore it for their own benefit, not caring about how that affects others; such behavior generally qualifies as harassment.

      • RealFknNito@lemmy.world
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        9 months ago

        I hope you just have a feminine sounding name and you’re not a real life woman with this opinion.

          • RealFknNito@lemmy.world
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            9 months ago

            Garbage is definitely masculine and bagel is pretty neutral and taking into account everyone online is a guy, definitely a guy.

            • PopMyCop@iusearchlinux.fyi
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              9 months ago

              No, no, no. See, your typical garbage bag has some smush to it, and a bagel has a hole! If we put these facts together, we can surmise that OP 3.0 is actually an earthworm with one of its ends sewed shut!

              …I don’t know anything about an earthworm’s sex, so I’m going to go with it being a neutral.

      • Soulg@lemmy.world
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        9 months ago

        No, it isn’t.

        If there was a frame of her saying no, but then he doesn’t leave her alone, then sure.

          • Anamana@feddit.de
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            9 months ago

            Depends on how you do it. The way it’s portrayed here is weird, because they use the “is it sexual harassment…” phrase and kinda belittle the problem of sexual harassment within society. Makes me think he’s an avid Andrew Tate fanboy. So it’d be an instant “thx goodbye” from me.

            But if you just take the rest… I don’t think it’s harassment if you drop an honest compliment and ask for someone’s number.