Is not about what kind of person they are, it’s about the kind you are.
Either you be the person you think anyone should be, or what’s the point?
Just act as if they would, because while you’re probably right, you don’t know, and it would be a poor reason not to do the right thing.
I think the golden rule is about as perfect a rule as exists, and I really think I can bootstrap an entirely humanist set of morals from it.
Even its Christian variant, love your neighbor as yourself, does the job very well without actually needing the attendant theology. You can make a very worthy entire life’s project out of progressively expanding your definition of who your neighbor is.
I think the golden rule is about as perfect a rule as exists
I’ve heard a variant dubbed the ‘platinum’ rule as a slight improvement. Instead of “treat others as you would have them treat you”, it’s just “treat others as they would like to be treated”. It’s especially valuable as a cross-cultural check where like you might want others to maintain eye contact with you so you know you’ve got their full attention; while someone else might take that kind of maintained eye contact as a sign of aggression.
…or like that creepy mofo at seemingly every work space who just butts into peoples’ personal space because “well I’m a hugger” like, god damnit Dave, we know your a hugger, but you just pressed yourself up against Cathy’s tits without her consent. Again. And now she’s going to HR. And Dave will get a stern email and still somehow keep his job.
But yeah, platinum rule!
I think the nuance of the golden rule is that “treat others the way you want to be treated.” Implies that the way I want to be treated is that I want someone to consider that I might be different to them. If someone was unsure of how I want to be treated, I would want to be asked, or have them be considerate enough to avoid treatment they’re unsure about, therefore, I do the same. It doesn’t mean “punch someone because you want to be punched.” (To exaggerate).
The golden rule is perfect if you use that bit of nuance and we don’t have to make up a new rule.
There is a reason the platinum rule exists. The first time I heard it when I was younger, it blew my mind to consider that my preferences wouldn’t be the same as others’, and to pay special attention to how other people want to be treated.
Don’t poopoo it if it is obvious to you, that is not the same for others. Also someone made up the golden rule, so what is wrong with making up one better?
The platinum rule is fine insofar as it’s true and not a bad thing to consider it just doesn’t make sense to me to chalk it up to another rule.
I don’t really think it is a better rule. For one thing, it’s encapsulated in the golden rule as I explained. For another thing the golden rule is phrased the way it is because it’s meant as an introspective idea. It’s meant as a heuristic when you can’t know how someone else might want to be treated, or when you are making a decision that might affect other people without full information of who they are or what they want.
Part of the reason we teach it to kids so that they can have an understanding that their actions affect other people to the same extent that other people affect them.
I disagree that it is encapsulated into the golden rule for everyone’s understanding of the golden rule.
The golden rule is fine for kids that are too young to think more abstractly than “how would I feel if…”, but at some point you have to learn that how other people might want to be treated is different from how you want to be treated.
I think if you a good person only in the case that you expect it to be reciprocal, you aren’t a good person.
I think there’s more nuance to that than warrants a full good vs bad.
Unless you mean “aren’t a good person” as potentially including neutral.
I think it’s very fair to want, but not need, to be treated the same in return.
I also think there’s a difference between helping a stranger vs someone you know and see regularly.
If I help a stranger, I’m not going to expect squat from them. But if you do something nice like cover a friend’s share of the tab or something, I’d expect the same in return at some point. I wouldn’t necessarily say anything, but if it’s a repeated thing, it doesn’t make you a bad person to stop helping them.
Being a good person doesn’t mean being a doormat, and I think it’s important to understand the difference. Doing nice things for people is great. Doing things to be nice while hurting yourself, that probably shouldn’t be a regular thing. I’ve seen a lot of friends suffer emotionally or financially due to bad friends, or especially bad family, because it makes them feel bad to cut people off that take but never give in kind.
as i said, nuance.
The second part is describing a social contract of sorts, conditional assistance , which would put it squarely on the side of “expecting it to be reciprocal”, situationally at least.
I don’t disagree with this, but it’s a really big difference from your original reply.
I don’t disagree with this, but it’s a really big difference from your original reply.
That’s because I’m a different person that is expanding on your nuance, not the person you originally replied to (TropicalDingdong). 😁
Well, shit…that would explain it, my bad.
No offense taken. It was obviously a misunderstanding.
Kinda a ‘fool me once, eat shit bitch; fool me twice, I’m a dumbass’ thing.
To me its more of a, “I’m doing this act of kindness because its the kind of person I want to be”, and if you take advantage of that, its fine. I wasn’t doing it with the expectation that you were a good person. I was doing it because I want to believe that I’m a good person.
I used to be like that, to everyone. Then I got shit on by almost everyone. People always using you but disappearing when you need help is a common theme with a large population of humans.
I guess I’m jaded or whatever. Tired of being the village bitch.
Learning which people will take advantage and setting boundaries (or going no contact) with them doesn’t mean you have to turn your back on all kindness.
Not all, but I distrust everyone until given reason to the contrary. Those I trust, I’ll go far beyond what they need, even putting myself at risk, but it takes a while to build that trust.
A decade and a half of being used, deceived, manipulated, mocked, insulted, on a daily basis takes a kind trusting person and turns them into someone who hates humanity to its core.
A few weeks back, I was walking to my apartment building and saw a lady ahead of me with arms full of groceries trying to get the door open, so I offered to help. She screamed. I guess a bald guy with a beard in broad daylight can be scary.
I’m sure she meant nothing by it but it made me feel like I should have just quietly stood back 20 feet instead.That’s a her problem. You did the right thing. Don’t let her crazy reaction stop you from being kind in the future.
Thanks fren
If she was distracted by the groceries and didn’t see you coming, she’d be startled while also vulnerable bc hands full. That’s in addition to your scary self. She may feel bad for having screamed. But it’s hard to take it back without making it worse.
This little old lady says keep on being the kind person you are. 🍪🥛
Thank you
I’m thankful for how you are :)
We do it because it must be done.
Expect the king and he will come. Dont let cynicism win
“I’m such a good person” I exclaimed, while deeply inhaling my own farts.
