First, don’t tell me that the answer is just to “not bottle things up”, because that’s objectively incorrect too. Society doesn’t want you to have any negative emotions. I need to know how to not express negative emotions at all whatsoever unless I’m alone. I know it can be done because it is done in many other people on the planet.

Edit: Ok so I think one of the things I want to try doing next is ask for a med change from my psych provider.

  • dingus@lemmy.worldOPEnglish
    6·
    19 hours ago

    Yeah my one coworker has tried to teach me to just agree to and comply with whatever my bully is saying. I am actually able to do this for a period of time! But after a while, I tend to fail and have a reaction. It especially happens if I am provoked repeatedly in relatively quick succession.

    I guess one of my frustrations is that my entire life, I have been taught that I am not supposed to react to people who bully me or otherwise act inappropriately to me or others. I am just supposed to let them do it and try not to show any emotion or reaction in response. I can act passively to try to protect myself, but actively is not correct.

    The frustrating thing about it is it just enables bullies to continue bullying while I struggle to maintain composure from repeated incidents.

    I guess it’s like…

    Not reacting to bullies doesn’t make them go away or fix the problem. Contrary to popular belief, some people don’t stop taking advantage of others just because you aren’t visibly reacting.

    But reacting to bullies makes me look like a crazy person.

    So what then?

    • neukenindekeuken@sh.itjust.works
      6·
      17 hours ago

      Have you considered going to HR about this? I’ve never confronted a bully directly at work. You need to be indirect, not direct. Not every problem can be solved head on.

      • dingus@lemmy.worldOPEnglish
        5·
        8 hours ago

        Yes I have very recently. It is currently an ongoing ordeal but I am not hopeful. People have gone to HR about my supervisor before and it has never changed anything.

        • TheRagingGeek@lemmy.world
          5·
          5 hours ago

          In my experience if you have a toxic boss you clash with, and HR is unwilling to deal with the problem then they are complicit, which is a far too frequent scenario, if at all possible it sounds like a new job would be the best option for your mental health while you talk to a therapist about the situation to find coping tools in the meantime

        • neukenindekeuken@sh.itjust.works
          3·
          6 hours ago

          Keep trying, document everything. Get people to talk and align their stories. Consider getting several people with grievances to go to HR together. Showing up together is a show of force most HR take very seriously in my experience.