First, don’t tell me that the answer is just to “not bottle things up”, because that’s objectively incorrect too. Society doesn’t want you to have any negative emotions. I need to know how to not express negative emotions at all whatsoever unless I’m alone. I know it can be done because it is done in many other people on the planet.

Edit: Ok so I think one of the things I want to try doing next is ask for a med change from my psych provider.

  • pishadoot@sh.itjust.works
    7·
    21 hours ago

    If this happens at work then yeah, definitely a personal trait that you need to work on.

    As someone who shares the same trait and has learned to manage it with time, I recommend you look into anger management. Plenty of free stuff online to start with but a professional can be a huge help, if you can afford it or if your workplace is willing to assist you with getting to a resource.

    For me the key is being self aware enough that before I blow up I recognize where I’m headed and DISENGAGING until I can settle down. Blowing up, for me, is an ego driven/lashing out issue. It’s complicated and I don’t feel like explaining, but that’s me. I can tell when it’s happening and I care more about not being unprofessional or damaging interpersonal relationships so I DISENGAGE before I get there, which does not FEEL as good, but it’s necessary.

    I can’t tell you exactly what you need to do, but I would bet a lot of money that you can start to identify when you’re headed in that direction and stop the train before you go off the tracks. To do so you need to be willing to put your ego aside whether you think you’re right or wrong and LEAVE the room or end the conversation. To do so is not easy because you want to release whatever you’re thinking about the current real/perceived grievance, but if you’re not being a functional member of society because you blow up in a rage then you have to modify your own behavior somehow. Disengaging is the simplest and most effective way to manage it.

    With time and more self reflection, personal work, therapy, maturity, whatever - you’ll need to disengage less and less and can manage/cope without that tool. But for now that should be your goal until you learn to control yourself.

    This isn’t an other people problem, it’s a you problem. It’s not that you’re not allowed to express yourself, but there are appropriate and inappropriate ways to do so in polite society, between friends and loved ones, and in a workplace. If you can’t admit that then start there.

    Get on board or lose friends, break up, and get fired.