I’ll go first…after 10 years of speculating in the market (read: gambling in high risk assets) I realized I shouldn’t ever touch a brokerage account in my lifetime. A monkey would have made better choices than I did. Greed has altered the course of life many times over. I am at an age where I may recover from my actions over the decades, but it has taken its toll. I am frugal and have a good head on me, but having such impulsivity in financial instruments was not how I envisioned my adulthood. Its a bitter pill to swallow, since money is livelihood of my family, but I need to “invest” all I have into relationships, meaningful moments, and fulfilling hobbies.
That no matter how often people said it as a kid, I’m not capable of anything I put my mind to. I’m not smart, I’m very very mediocre at best, and my interests don’t align with my capabilities so my only options for work are things I don’t generally want to do.
I only really had 2 goals in life, a third developed later, and I’ve failed at all if them. I wanted to be in a loving relationship (going on 40 and have been single for the last decade), to not be the person who hates going to their job every day, and eventually I started wanting to own a home because I found that I need space for the hobbies I enjoyed. It’s a Sinatra song right, 0 out of 3 ain’t bad? Something like that… Lol
On the plus side, you’re eloquent and express yourself very well. Any interest in writing/editing as a career or side hustle?
I appreciate the compliment!! I had thought about writing, but whenever I try I get like two sentences down and immediately start thinking “who the hell am I to be writing something?” I start feeling like a pretentious jerk and stop lol
I grew being told I was smart. And to be fair, I am. I always grasped things quick and got through school without much effort.
But what it really ended up being was undiagnosed ADHD.
But when I had to really focus and stick with something for an extended period of time I always struggled. Especially when I lost the structure of being forced to go to school every day.
Im 35 this year and I never expected to be able to hold down a relationship, I had flings but nothing stuck. It wasn’t until other things in life going that I rekindled a missed connection from years past. It was only 2 years ago and now she and her daughter live with me.
As for hobbies, I really wish there was a better way to do it than owning all my own stuff. Communal woodshops and auto shops that were more easily accessible. Then hacker spaces for the more niche things. But I know that’s a resource that’s more accessible around cities.
Ugh, I hate the lie we’ve promoted for decades that “you can be anything!” and “you’re all special!”. No, we can’t all be anything we want. I’ll never be a rock star, I’ll never be a great athlete, etc. And we aren’t all special, we are more alike than we may care to admit.
Your specific issues may be due to unrealistic expectations. Do you hate jobs in general due to being on a schedule all the time? Should you have your own business? Look at what you choose in other people, what you look for may need to change since it has a bad track record. Look at your own behavior too, are you self sabotaging? Do you have bad traits like a short temper? As far as a house that has so many variables like where you live may just be too expensive, need to look harder for smaller and older homes in your price range, etc.
As far as the job goes, I just meant that my interests are more aligned with scientific research/discovery but that I’m in no way shape or form a “scientist.” I’m nowhere near smart enough for that. Other than that I do like fixing things, but I hate driving and I need a schedule. I hated being a service technician never knowing when the day would be over and having to get a call once I got home to go back out.
For the house, it’s 100% the area… Houses that are basically twice burned down, glorified sheds, once selling for $60k USD back in 2016 are now $250k+ it’s absolute insanity.
Are you qualified to be a technical assistant? You could get involved in a science oriented environment without, say, having a degree in a scientific field. It could be pharmacology, etc.
I’m not sure if I am qualified to do that, but I’d have to look into it. I appreciate the suggestions! Certainly would beat the dead end factory job I have now lol
I agree, I’m not saying anyone should be put down for wanting to try something difficult but that they should be told of the odds of success. Maybe encourage them to put their effort into something more achievable. Everyone should be allowed to try of course, no one has good odds for becoming famous/successful but inevitably some people will be
Why won’t you try your luck at love again? Buying a house is easier done with a partner who works too…
That’s one part that’s really killing me, not having the relationship makes not having the house pretty much guaranteed.
It’s sorta complicated, but mostly I’m just not a desirable person and I live in an area that’s predominantly really really old people. With my lack of education and the general state of the economy, moving away from my job never felt smart and because of where I live moving is really complicated. I can’t get a new job first because the move would put to way too far for a commute so you’re stuck in that “how can I get a place to live without a job, and how do I get a job without a place to live?” situation.
This is one thing you need to resolve. People pick up on this and it is self-sabotage. I bet you judge yourself far more harshly than anyone else does and things you think are bad about yourself no one even pays attention too.
As far as the other issues lots of people have dealt with it. You obviously need to move and I’d study what job opportunities are possible out there. I’d keep an open mind about what jobs I could do too. Save up what money you can to get a new place. I suspect you don’t have much stuff so the act of moving could be as easy as renting a u-haul. Jobs almost always will accommodate a new person if they need a few weeks to move if you tell them up front. Believe me, if I could do it anyone can.
as someone who went through this exact situation, I decided to just say “fuck it” and kinda threw myself out into the universe, with the understanding that if I failed the landing I was probably just going to die. I was homeless for a little bit, and the first job I had was a lot shittier than anything I’d worked before, but it is possible. The biggest issue I’d say is the lack of education; however, my partner at the time only had a high school diploma and was able to leverage his service industry experience to quickly find work.
Yes, at a certain point you have to pull the trigger. I’ve found that my fear of possible problems has been far greater than reality and I was always able to find a way around them and progress. Blind faith in yourself, even if you have to pretend, really helps. lol
I’m sorry you’re in such circumstances, yeah, it’s kinda shit… But hopefully you’re wrong about being undesirable and someone good and not too old comes along! Maybe it could start online? Anyway, sorry again, God bless you.
No worries, thanks for the kind words! Hope you have a great weekend! :)