Perfect, you got it, do all that.

Fine. Your name is TEMP and your minutes are numbered.

Wife gets pregnant, hero is there when the baby is born

Baby tries to garrote the hero with its own umbilical cord

I thought it rhymed with “wusta”. (But keep in mind I’m originally from Massachusetts.)

Antifa gonna come in through the windows at night and trans you in your sleep 🥷

“But I’m throwing out the first pitch at a Tigers’ game on that day!”

Look, the lavender scented buttplug is for everyone’s benefit.

“Go man, go!”

There’s not much meat on me. I’d recommend cooking me low and slow over a wood fire.

D’oh! You’re right, I’ll fix it.

I’m glad for the blue wave, but it was fueled mostly by angry people thinking with their wallets, lashing out at the party in power. The Americans who have been selfish and cruel for the last 20 years are still just as heartless as they’ve ever been.

He found out that the his job would change to Senate House Minority Leader, and immediately announced he didn’t want it.

(thanks jacksilver for the correction!)

“Oh my god, we can do that? Why didn’t anyone tell me?”

“Who’s footprints pawprints are these?”

(Damn! They’re on to me!)

Uh I mean, who?

Republicans forgot the primary rule: don’t fuck with people’s money.

I know, let’s start in-fighting!

You could say it would have been a… Mega Death!

Too bad, Caesar. Wrong place, wrong time.