last week i was making out with this chick and she was like “wanna have some fun” and i was like “no i’m only in it for the glory” and she left. worth it

i bought a jar of olives at the store yesterday for this exact purpose

olives > cooked meal

that image is from the whitest gif of all time

Shit is just sitting there waiting to be invaded. I bet I could take it all by myself

i thought it was obvious i was joking but yeah, that would be faster

“Feel worthless? Just look at this person who, unlike you, actually has their shit together”

the topic differentiation technology doesn’t exist yet, so i just hit ctrl+c about a second after i hit enter

my shit is optimized AF

I have all of wikipedia in a single 156 GB text file. in my .zshrc i have fastWikiLookup() { cat ~/wikipedia.txt | grep "$@" }

oh shit i gotta warn everybody about 9/11

i’m on firefox and that loaded a google search for %s

you can tell he knows what a good boy he is

so true. if you walk up to me in the middle of the night and ask me if i will have sex with you, i’ll probably say yes

from now on he’s gona be concerned, making texts like “hi son, have you had your daily cock yet?”

hang on let me check my frog folder

i have 684 frogs in my frog folder

neil “the grass” tyson

know what’s extra hard? those common words that are like a verb + a preposition like “find out”. i convince myself that the preposition i’m thinking of is wrong

So tired of these “Christians” who think “Christianity” is about “Christ”. Where the fuck would they get that idea

elon being funny? gotta be fake

gonna half to finish this whole fucking 72 k-cup box if i’m gonna write my masterpiece