I want to pet the forbidden striped dog.

When I’m dragged across an array of sharp raised metal bumps on a plane until there’s a pile of me in strips and chunks on the plate below.

No, wait, that’s the grate-ist feeling, sorry.

I did a search of [email protected] for the word “sorry” (figured it wouldn’t be in as many posts as “guitar” or “learning”).

Here’s the first result: Really dumb questions about learning guitar (sorry)

Take them anyway, I really don’t want to be stuck with a bunch of rapture reject crybabies. Burn me in hell forever, see if I give a shit, but don’t make me listen to them whine about it.

Found one.

Typical religious wacko trying to lure in kids to be groomed and abused.

If I were in their position (and an {even bigger} asshole but that’s implied), my plan would involve claiming partial credit for defeating [Losing_Candidate]. When the new POTUS does things I don’t like, I can also get all sanctimonious and preachy about not having voted for them so my hands are clean. Best of both worlds.

If you enjoyed the book, check out the album Haunted by Poe. Anyone with a functioning radio in the 90s may have heard Angry Johnny a time or ten but she’s got some other good tracks too. Poe is the stage name of Anne Danielewski and, if the last name is familiar, that’s because she’s the House of Leaves author’s sister.

I used to lose mine until I glued them onto a headband and used some paracord to tether it to my phone case.

Friend-ulums.

Could also serve casu martzu. No name change needed, it’s scary enough as-is.

Have you asked these colleagues what they’re hoping to gain from those certs to see why they think they’re worthwhile? Might just be people looking for a little variety in the work day if it’s something they can do on company time.

Well done.

What did the farmer say when he found three deep holes in his field?

Well, well, well, look what we have here.

I’m surprised they made an emoji for something as obscene as this but you know that “two in the pink, one in the stink” thing for the shocker? This is along the same lines: One in the pink, one giving your lady a thumbs up to tell her you’re a chill dude and having a good time.

Doesn’t work as well on guys unless he’s flexible or has a bunch of strategically-placed mirrors.

On a related note, https://youtube.com/watch?v=Gg5KfL-4asE

And almost a full set of teeth between them.

I’m not entirely convinced that we need one Dakota, let alone two.

Just put walls on there, problem solved.