We absolutely can, but it’s still a lot harder to pick these skills up as adults vs internalizing them as a kid, and a lot of men don’t even realize the cause of their suffering.
Like, I’m not trying to give men an excuse not to change-- you asked why men are bad at planning and I’m just giving you an answer.
A lot of men were never taught to do this. We raise young girls to be incredibly social, but boys are not socialized to nearly the same extent. You can see this in Autism diagnoses. Girls are diagnosed as a much lower rate and the ones that do receive the diagnosis tend to be really severe cases. The leading theory as to why is that society places so many social expectations on girls that the more mild cases quickly learn to mask and pass themselves off as neurotypical.
Hell, I’m 35 and I just started a group chat with some of my bros in order to help with motivation to get things done (it’s basically a stand up meeting but for our personal lives/goals). NONE of them even know each other, they were just doing this to help me out because I’m burned out. 2 weeks in and they had all thanked me privately for giving them a social outlet and improving their mood. None of us usually text people unless we need to, and now we’ll routinely get roped into conversations because someone shares an interesting update.
Meanwhile my wife is juggling 3 different group chats in addition to half a dozen friends she keeps in touch with 1-1.
There might be some biological mechanism too, but I think a lot of it boils down to boys have “productive labor” modelled for them as ideal behavior while girls are taught how to be considerate friends.
Most of Northern Europe (Netherlands and Denmark are especially bad)
I’d go to 2000 with a full report on how Bush stole the election so that the Gore campaign would be prepared to stop it.
If the 9/11 blank check had gone to Gore, then we might’ve jumped years ahead on the fight against climate change.
No worries, I’ve also become super sensitive to this ever since the discourse started spilling out into actual healthcare legislation here. Before it was easy to give people the benefit of the doubt, or to shrug it off as strangers online who don’t know what they’re talking about, but now I feel obligated to speak up just in case. Thanks for your understanding and for having a calm discussion about it.
You have to be very careful with this. Neurodivergence is a spectrum and while some of the symptomatic behaviors are definitely mild things that society should probably just learn to accept and accommodate-- other cause real damage and make it impossible for the patient to live a satisfying life.
This is especially true with ASD, where the “highest” functioning patients might just be harmlessly quirky, but other patients with the same diagnosis on paper (important for insurance and legislation) aren’t able to express themselves and might not even be potty trained, or able to dress themselves.
Saying that we “shouldn’t try to change people with Autism, society should just adapt” provides cover for politicians and health insurance companies to cut the very expensive therapies that help mold young children and enable them to achieve what they want out of life.
The fact is that we all have to change a little to accommodate society. Humans don’t spring from the womb talking, wearing clothes, and using the toilet. Society isn’t going to adapt to allowing my wife’s patient who likes to rip off all of their clothes and masturbate at the grocery store to do so. And now, because of the online discourse of “Neurodivergence isn’t a mental illness”, politicians are trying to cut my wife’s funding. After all, why would you spend tens of thousands of euros per child if their illness isn’t even real?
At least the bad take is getting downvoted? 😅
Typically if you have ADHD then stimulants just make you feel “normal”. Like, when I take my meds it just helps me stay on task and focus on what I want to focus on.
My non-ADHD friends who have taken the same meds recreationally have said they feel euphoric when they take them, which I do not get at all. For me it’s just like… Strong coffee? (Then again, maybe lots of people are euphoric when they have their morning coffee?)
All this to say, get a real diagnosis, because there’s a real chance that you don’t have ADHD. Lots of other disorders can cause similar symptoms (e.g. chronic stress, generalized anxiety). Stimulants really fuck with your sleeping patterns which is absolutely terrible for yor health.
If I could hold a job without my meds I would probably stop taking them. I recently had to stop them temporarily due to another health issue and within 2 days my insomnia was gone and I was feeling healthier than I had in years. Yeah, it’s been a lot harder to live my life, but I had forgotten how good a nice, deep sleep feels