So… You’re leaving then and going cold turkey?

Hilarious! You want the last word to salvage what little pride you can. 😂

Pfft! Really hit the bottom of the tank huh? This shit is so 2017 paint by numbers it’s not even good trolling. Philistine made me laugh though so points there.

Oh I am not dragged down. I am an old troll counterpuncher from the old pre reddit flight days. If they try and take me down they will find I do not make it rewarding.

Ah yes, “just stating your opinions” “echo chambers” and the calls that you are being oppressed and policed, that I am both a narcissist and a weak little trans weenie who needs to shut themselves away where I can’t hear your big strong ideas.

It’s the full right wing bingo card. Do you lot ever get tired of clutching those pearls?

Don’t answer I know you will die with those things in a death grip.

And in your second paragraph, see how you had to add ugly to my statement to make it malicious and false, that is you projecting onto me, not me

Ah so “barely even cosmetically complete” doesn’t register as you calling them aesthetically displeasing? Fuck off.

The framing as it being a personal choice not to pursue those options are the thinnest veneer of setting yourself up for this reaction to be shocked and appalled that someone would call you out. Even if you were trans yourself framing it the way you did before would register as you being an ass to other people in your community.

Troll behavior.

You are living during the time of masculine emancipation my friend. Men are allowed to be cute af these days and more and more women are catching on that this is a good thing. Some of the guys I know who register this way have found a lot of success dating in the non-binary scene where gender expectations are more generally negotiable. Non-binary circles are encircled with exterior connections of cis communities who have a more dynamic understanding of gender so if you are in a market to find likeminded souls that’s where I would look.

And also… Cute is sexy. It’s not everyone’s vibe but there’s definitely a desire out there for true gentlemen emphasis on the gentle. Most of the cis ones I know are married to ride or die partners whom exude an aura of sweetness out to 20ft.

Well yeah. It’s openly critical of the sexual function of people who have had those proceedures. The trans community as a whole are often depicted as mutilated and less functional by transphobes or people who want to devalue them as valid romantic options. Since access to those medical services are actively under fire that critique isn’t value neutral and it isn’t in the context of what unaltered sexual function is like for people with dysphoria whom often register a marked improvement in overall function from getting over the mental blocks.

The people I know who have had surgeries have been quite happy with the outcome. While it’s true the surgery options regarding bottom surgery for trans men require one to make some decisions about what functions to focus on, framing them as ugly and “barely functional” is insulting. Think about what it would be like to hear someone else critique the choices you’ve made that have improved your life experiences in a way that frames you as deficient and devalued.

Edit : During this comment chain this guy has self identified as a cis man - so to summerize, this is a random guy saying a set of surgeries and care plan created to address body issues he does not experience is not something he would choose because they are subpar. Yup. Real valid opinion right there. Totally not a smokescreen for anything nasty. /s

Please don’t fall for this dreck.

Read their stories yourself. They are right there. You want me to do all the work for you? Piss off.

Honestly a lot of news doesn’t actually cover this stuff as it should. Covering trans topics is usually something that causes backlash or requires a high degree of finesse in reporting and explaining so these modern lynchings go largely uncovered by the big mainstreamers except when they think they have a winner that’s straightforward enough to report in a short quippy segment.

Who the hell says “transsexuals” anymore except folk who were out in the 90’s?

If you would like to read some articles how about Forbes?

https://www.forbes.com/sites/jamiewareham/2023/11/13/beaten-stabbed-and-shot-320-trans-people-murdered-in-2023/

NBC?

http://www.nbcnews.com/news/amp/rcna125783

Congress? Bonus points they give you the stories of a bunch of the victims.

https://www.congress.gov/118/meeting/house/117016/documents/HMKP-118-JU00-20240321-SD015.pdf

How about a long term view over ten years? Statista

https://www.statista.com/statistics/944726/murders-transgender-gender-diverse-people-us/

And these are the murders we know. They are difficult to find because a lot of coverage buries the lead on the trans nature of the victims so we only learn about them being trans after the fact. A lot of newspapers use dead names and pre transition photos and don’t mention current names and identities so in some of our communities we only know when someone has died except through word of mouth because when they show up in the paper they aren’t recognizable. This is also why articles tend to use the words “at least” or have inconsistent counts per year. New ones are always coming to light as friends and family struggle to get the word out.

You do not see these news articles because your news silo filters them out. There are vigils every year where the names are read out. The circumstances of those vigils are that the main reason for the violence was because of the victims gender identity. You asked for sources. Have at em.

Oookay, you’re trying to pick a fight but not exactly landing an interesting hook. This entire sentiment is pretty empty if the best you have is to heckle my spelling. Are you new to trolling? I feel like maybe you should read a tutorial or something.

Come on mate, gimme substance! Refute the argument with something other than just “nu uh!”

I understand it being a sticky issue for people because there’s so much of society and choice we put into the realm of adults. But here’s the thing. Psychology has been obsessed with trans people since the origin of the field. We have a ton of data on what happens when trans people recognized at an early age grow up and what that looks like when there’s no intervention whatsoever. The reality of it is that there’s certain things that there is no medical fix or take backs for once you experience your first puberty.

We know very well that gender identity observed in trans kids is stable. We have a rubric of diagnosis stable enough to have gone up against several National medical ethics boards and survived the scrutiny nessisary to opt for attempting risks.

The first generation of kids to grow up utilizing this process are now adults (the oldest cohort are now in their 30’s) and the results have been promising with an almost absurdly low rate of regret reported across the population…

But now you have to recognize why that rate of regret is so low. You need the signoff of a team of professionals who put the bar very high to allow candidates to attempt these risks and any of them can pull support if something doesn’t go to plan. Furthermore a child alone does not make these decisions the informed consent has to be demonstrated by the child and their parents. So when people say “kids shouldn’t make these decisions” you’re missing that they aren’t making these decisions. A kid and a panel of adults who are experts in their field, social workers and dedicated parents who have watched the difference in their child’s behaviour go from very obviously not thriving in a multitude of ways to massive improvements through social transition make these decisions.

People act like it’s as simple as a kid showing up and asking for a lollipop. It isn’t. We have literal generations of data about what happens if we do nothing. The outcomes are miserable. We can afford to try something different than known miserable outcomes.

One could say the same thing about Christianity. Jesus basically ripped his notes from the Stoics.

But the answer is that in both cases there’s a lot of supernatural stuff in the texts. When you look at the totality of the scriptures and appended lore Buddha isn’t just some wise man who had and epiphany, while early scriptures were closer to that interpretation a lot of the later scriptures that describe enlightenment and elaborate on it… it’s basically more describing that people who reach enlightenment get superpowers, mostly omniscience but also like a bunch of other stuff. There’s also a lot of writings and different sects that elaborate on the afterlife and how one earns their place there. Like there is legitimately a Buddhist version of hell and it looks fairly familiar to the Christian one because both got cross contaminated with Hinduism’s Naraka and depictions of the Greek afterlife just like Christianity did.

A philosophy I think is a discussion about observations of life and how it is lived and particularly opinions on how it is lived well. When you start appending supernatural rewards and punishments to that discussion you get a religion or a cult.

It is probably the case that if your friends do veiw you as a friend and aren’t made aware that this isn’t because of something they did but a way you are then this behaviour is likely hurting them to some degree or another. Your discription of how you interfsce with friends is fairly consistent with cluster B personality disorders but that doesn’t mean it’s automatically bad. It does mean that if you want to become a safe person to associate socially with you are going to need to put in more work than average to learn what other people generally need out of relationships and to recognize pain that is going to be difficult to empathize with… And if you decide to become a safe person it will mean being more open with your friends about parts of the human experience that are assumed but in your case not shared.

Most people have needs out of friendships that if they are not met and they cannot identify why they are not met they can sort of look inwards and self emotionally mutilate, picking themselves apart to find what it wrong with themselves to warrant cold behaviour. People’s first instinct is to ask “what about me makes me undeserving.” and are very good at populating a list.

Guilt and shame for most of us is the fastest emotional response. It is way faster than reason. People who think they may have wronged you or are being rejected by you will feel guilty first and then have to pick the emotion apart to figure out if they should actually feel guilt or shame… and then even if they realize they did nothing wrong might still feel guilt or rejection. A lot of being a safe person regardless of whether one has disordered emotional issues or not involves making sure they have the tools to not feel guilt, shame or rejection for very long. The faster they can rationalize and compartmentalize what is happening isn’t about them it is about you the more likely it is to not stick and develop into a longer term emotional injury or weakness. Once someone has been put in a position to effectively bully themselves that creates possible long term damage. A lot of the time, particularly for young people first experiencing this who have not learned how to be safe around people with cluster B disorders the outcome resolves as long term anger towards the person who made them question themselves.

If your friends are growing apart it may be because they already think you do not care about them and have already gone through this self bullying process but have now started to trade notes to see if they are the problem or not. If they reach a mutual concensus about you being emotionally unrecipricative then they might withdraw to avoid being hurt further. A sense of being valued in some form is a nessisary portion of friendship for most people. They will project that assumption of being valued and emotionally cared for onto you by default if you act like a friend because that is something they do when they act that way and even if they logically know it isn’t reciprocated they might not give up on you if you show effort to keep them in your life. Someone who acts like a friend but never did show signs of caring is more often than not going to be falsely attributed as once caring but withdrawing that care for a reason, which is in some relationship circumstances is inflicted as a punishment. So even if it’s not your intention people might interpret your behaviour not as rude but as a deliberate act of cruelty.

If you want them to stick around then letting them know that you like the experience of them as people in some way is key. Like if you find them more entertaining than most or recognize their good qualities then letting them know is what is going to keep them around.

What nobody tells you is that people before the age of 25 tend to make closer relationships where they emotionally risk more and become closer faster. Generally speaking it is more difficult to make as dedicated friends as an older adult as people are less likely to latch and a lot of people when they fail to make these types of high risk close friendships later in life interpret themselves as deficient as a person. You are in the prime age of emotionally high risk but high reward friendships. That does mean that the way these friendships resolve might become formative to the people around you as you might be one of the first non-safe relationships they have as they have not built adequate defenses. Wounds suffered in youth have an outsized effect and if things go particularly south without adequate explanation they may particularly remember you long term as a source of personal anguish.

Remember this, vulnerability is a bonding behaviour, your vulnerability just works a lot different than other people’s. People might reject you if they can’t figure out how to interface with your type of vulnerability but some will genuinely recognize it as you risking something because you ultimately value them not being hurt over their usefulness and function in your life. There are a lot of people out there with empathy above and beyond the median… But I would recommend therapy for lessons on how to navigate relationships in a non-standard way.

Violence tends to be a double edged sword. Whether or not things get better as the result of an outbreak of violence is hit and miss. A lot of authoritarian regimes in history just get replaced with new authoritarian regimes that have a better PR team and create a leniency period before cranking back the progress once people figure everything has been fixed. Long term it’s not great prospects. Anarchist activities tends to create this sort of thing. It creates a power vacuum to which the first one to break the faith and assemble a new loyal hierarchy while murmuring a smokescreen of empty hymns of the old cause is rewarded by becoming the new tyrant. Oftentimes there is a promise of whatever state of oppression being a transitory period. You aren’t supposed to notice that the transitory period after which they say that they will surrender their stranglehold to the rightful inheritance of the people never comes to fruition and instead just becomes a new dynasty of effective monarchs living it up.

But other times it’s just another tool in the box of movements that are fighting against occupation. It usually helps if there’s a peaceful arm of the movement who will get most or all of the credit after the fact whom can hold the dialogue space. Every Civil rights fight that had a non-violent movement leader also had “unrelated” people in the field under a different banner solving some problems with violence. Black Panthers, Butterfly Brigade, bomb weilding suicide suffragettes, indigenous anti colonial movements… These are part of the landscape and the actions they took were given space to be picked over by contemporaries because provocative acts lend punch to rhetoric. If you have no legitimate means to solve the violence done to you other than violence then the problem still needs solving so violence it is. What is effective in this model is collective directed action with planned objectives to fit into existing systems or that come with fully drawn up replacements for old systems. Not as sexy as anarchy but the wins are on the whole more stable and enduring. If you want a democracy then your problem solve should at least should have a true core of people whose ultimate intention is to operate democratically. Violence has a seat at that table too but weilding it justly is a commitment.

For me it’s been longer than that. I am a queer Canadian and anytime I have travelled the US or stayed with friends and seen any group carrying or wearing American flags that hasn’t given me the “ick” so much as rung alarm bells that those people are not safe.

Thing is, it’s the same thing with the Canadian flag. Any group flying too many Canadian flags outside of Canada Day is likely to be Conservative and anti-queer. Anti-Trans protesters or anti-vaxxers on highway overpasses? Canadian flag. Lifted truck soaring down the highway with a “Fuck Trudeau” bumper sticker - Canada flag. Hoard of protesters demanding book bans, group of people protesting Pride with a “you are gunna burn pedos” sign, antiDEI crusader mob - Canadian flag. It doesn’t take long before one starts to draw certain conclusions about a person’s character when they wave it around. For those of us trans folk who can it’s a sign to hide. A literal red flag.

Amoungst the left up here the flag is a complicated symbol. Many of us on the West Coast see it as a symbol of colonial practice and an insensitive declaration of an occupying nation on stolen territory for people who are still here and whose original sovereignty is still not properly acknowledged. It’s not a symbol of pride and if personally used as such it’s a sign of insensitivity and work to be done. At the same time I would not say that I am not proud of my Country for how far we’ve come. We are a nation in therapy who has the opportunity to put the work in to getting over some really bad murderous and selfish flaws and try new things to make things right. When I had an American friend up here it took a bit for him to understand how seriously the effort is to recon with our past and he treated us like a utopia of leftist sentiment but it is like therapy, yeah we might be putting the work in - but we can see how much further we need to go and praise doesn’t hit us as “job well done” it’s a reminder of how shitty it still is. But if anyone ever thinks that this complicated and nuanced relationship to country would stop us from rallying together to fight to preserve our rights to keep working towards that better future they would be dead wrong.

So I understand pretty well where you’re coming from but for a lot of us this isn’t a particularly new thing. It just is affecting more and more people as they wake up to realizing how these symbols are used.

Isolation really is an American mentality but it’s not particularly great for actually striking out. If you want to atop things from getting worse Collectivist activities and thinking is your best chance.

Reach out to the people who are already doing stuff. If you have a union or a political action group, go to it and start organizing. If someone has already started organizing then join them and be subordinate. Find people who understand democratic systems and collective action and offer your time. In fighting is the luxury of peacetime so learn to do that which is not your own exact process. Set aside differences and petty disagreement and work to mutual benefit.

Learn the Roberts rules of order or how your local and state governments function and utilize channels that exist. If you have a gardening or farmers market society reach out and looking at replacing your lawn for gardens and pool with like minded neighbours. Learn first aid and stock a kit. Train your body to be fit and learn self defense. Prepare yourself to be disobedient on someone else’s behalf.

Your votes at a federal level are no longer being considered but will your protest be toothless? If you are feeling doom, reach out and find hope in solidarity.

Because they are a Canadian and your dumbass president keeps trying to start the process of annexation. Do you have any idea how angry folk up here have become?

We are a tiny country in terms of people and a massive one in terms of land. We cannot legally participate in your systems of government in a meaningful way but we have always been effected by US political decisions and the lack of co-ordinated resistance nessisary from it’s citizens to fix the issues that affect all of us. We’ve been Cassandra warning you of what doom is about to befall us all and so often we’ve been dismissed.

I have compassion that you guys honestly didn’t want this. That this was a co-ordinated attack on your freedoms.

But I am also angry that it was slacktivist feel good measures of defiance that was the go to for so many on the left when a lot of folk on the right were using the system against you directly because finding the way to apply and lobby and interface with the system directly gets poo pooed as having to deal with and act like a Democrat…but is how the system is designed to function.

The truth is that other countries can’t help you. The only legal interface we have is through proper channels because there are bodies of law and military systems that keep us in check from interference. Technically your country hasn’t tripped the switch where we can directly meddle because that would mean a war during which we would need be defending because we have a total citizen count only slightly larger than California.

You have no such restrictions. You can use sabotage, soft resistance, legal avenues, press to leave the union, show up at your municipal and state governments with petitions, organize into actual milltias like your own constitutional documents say is a good thing for when your country had gone rogue. Your founders were edgy mistrustful bastards who designed your country with the idea that it might need to be overthrown. None of this is easy. Up here a lot of people are preparing - taking relevant coursework, getting firearm licencing and training proficiency, working with aid programs to assist refugees and using measures that change our behaviour, sometimes at personal cost to future plans or to pocketbooks.

You can ignore Canadian and Mexican voices in this squabble. Let’s face it, we’re used to it as most of your discourse likes to pretend we don’t exist. But everybody gets an opinion here and we are relevant… Because your country will crush us with the combined weight of individual inaction eventually.

For me I had to make a value judgement in regards to transition because my partner’s got phenotype preferences that don’t match where I would like to go and ultimately I had to break ot down as to whether keeping him as my romantic partner or transition would bring me more net happiness and chose my partner. It’s still a struggle because all that dysphoria doesn’t go away I just have to feed it different things to placate it enough to function.

I have a weird relationship with a lot of photos of myself pre social transition. Any photos of weddings or big family events where a dress code prompted me through soft pressure to try and “clean up” is sort of just interpreted as me being in drag but I never look happy in them. My Mom ended up taking down a bunch of family photos where I am so dressed because she started interpreting me as having “dead eyes” in them and they make her feel weird.

I can’t really erase all existence of my past self as I feel that’s kind of unfair to the other folk who were there with me at the time but we’ve definitely had conversations of “hey, using my old name and pronoun set to describe past me isn’t cool, please don’t.” but stories where the tale’s context involves me being interpreted as my birth sex by other people still feel bad. It doesn’t feel like a clean chapter break. It feels messy and threaded with compromise like I made some kind of fairy bargain- rewarding true love in exchange for staying the frog and never becoming the prince but I make it work. At my worst I feel like I stuck in the middle of a story. If my partner ever dies or leaves me then there’s a whole heartbroken third act that could kick off but as is I feel like I would still take a bullet for him any day of the week so this could just be the end of the tale. My relationship with act one is as compassionate to all involved as I can make it. It happened. It sucked. If I could go back and do it all over again from scratch I would have to know for certain that I would end up exactly back where I am now to not make different choices and as precarious as that is it’s enough.