Hi! Just wondering how you folk were feeling today.
As for me, I had a rough last few weeks, but on Friday I started getting out of my funk thanks to the much needed and valued support of a friend.
Finally feeling a bit better today after getting part of my mess together. I still have some stuff to fix before I feel well, but the improvement is nice.
This got me to thinking how you guys were doing, cause idk. Talking about how I was feeling and the problems I’ve been facing with my friend helped me a lot. I thought a space to share or vent might help someone else.
Would really appreciate it if we tried to keep it supportive and non judgmental too. We don’t know what it’s like for others, after all. Thanks in advance. <3
So anyway, how are you?
Edit: Gonna go get something to eat now and have to get some work done, but will be back in a few hours. Take care and thanks to all of you that have shared!
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My dad died in December, I’ve been on long-term sick leave for 15 years due to my “action paralysis” anxiety, I lost contact with absolutely everyone (including doctors etc.) due to my inability to even answer my phone, lost my benefits (not sure if that the correct word in English, but in plain words, I stopped getting money). I missed two rents and almost lost my apartment. I managed to make contact with my mom and we’ve now spent a month doing everything we can to get my sick leave back, but my new doctor is not good. And for some fucking reason a drug test showed a false positive for tramadol (I’ve never taken that, and haven’t taken anything other than my medications) so now we have to fight my doctor because she made up her mind that the reason I lost contact was because of drug use and not being willing to get better, which is complete bullshit. I’m lucky I’m in Sweden, where help exists in ways it doesn’t in many other countries. But this is my worst experience with the health system, and I’m already at the edge of a cliff with my action paralysis. We have pleaded to get help before the end of this month so I won’t miss another rent, since that would pretty surely be the last drop so I loose my apartment, but all meetings we’ve gotten (4 different ones) are in April, so now we’re desperately trying to get someone to understand the situation so we can get help. I’ve only had food enough to survive, nothing “nice” like snacks or anything, I’ve of course been unable to pay for music streaming, cloud computer for gaming and much more. At least I’ve been able to get my medication and enough food to not starve, but it’s not a good life right now.
Sounds horrible. I’m sorry about your dad and your action paralysis sounds brutal. I can definitely relate too.
I’ve struggled with it too up to my late 20s and my brother had a very serious case of it. For me, I stopped answering the phone for years during my depression until every last person who cared about me just stopped calling. I remember one day came where I realized it was my birthday late that afternoon. No one had called. Not a single person. “Well, this is it. You did it, Pudutr0n. Congrats.” I thought to myself.
I can’t blame them either. I wouldn’t take calls or answer the door. I just refused to live. I didn’t want to take part in society. I didn’t want to face the pressure of being judged by others for my every word, the state of my life and my lack of accomplishments. I felt shame about every ounce of my being and guilt for not ever showing up or picking up for anything or anyone. It was bad.
On some level I just wanted to disappear into not being remembered by anyone so I could take my own life in peace, knowing no one would care.
But that day never came. For some reason some people never, ever ever stopped caring. And depression can be horrible and push you to be a dick to people too. It did in my case, anyway.
When I started showing up again, there were some people who were just happy to see me. They didn’t care about the long list of failures I had accumulated, my lack of achievement, how weird I am, how I threw my life away, gained weight or had absolutely nothing to share. They didn’t want anything from me. They were just happy I was showing up. At first I couldn’t conceive the concept of unconditional care/love, but i’ll tell you. It exists. And not just by friends either. Some mental health professionals are this way too. On the other hand, some are psychopaths too, so there’s also that. heh.
I’m sorry you’re feeling the way you are. I’m sorry you can’t get out. I’m sorry you’re being blamed for something you didn’t do. I’m sorry you have no ways to give yourself joys. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. It sounds horrible and I’m sure you don’t deserve it.
There’s nothing to be afraid of and there’s nothing to be ashamed of regarding other people though. If I found anything at all during all my years of darkness, it’s that regardless of life conditions, there are some things that never stop mattering. In my case a big one was loved ones. I didn’t want to see them because I valued them too much to expose them to myself, and seeing their disappointment when they looked to or talked to me would have destroyed me. I felt bad about shutting them down. I really did. Not because of what I lost, but because I hurt them. I was on this constant insane guilt trip about it too which didn’t let me do anything to change, well, anything.
Anyway, I don’t know how it’s like for you, but I would advise you to take a good look at what’s still important to you and who still cares, because that information will be priceless for the rest of your life when you get out.
If you’re experiencing shame and guilt, just keep in mind the people that would want you to feel embarrassed, insufficient or not enough in any way because of your life, what you look like or what you’ve been through, those people are meaningless. You wouldn’t want to spend 5 seconds with them to begin with, even if you were on top of the world… and the people who wouldn’t want you to feel this way… they are the ones that matter, and guess what? They stick around. When they think you want them to, anyway. And they don’t care about the stuff you find so unforgivable or the questions that would make you feel “not enough” at a dinner party. They just care about you cause you’re you.
Maybe identify these people. They’re important. In my case, many of them are online, and some are family. It helps to talk to them when I feel I’m feeling bad, too. If you reach out to them, they’ll likely respond too, even if you feel bad for doing so.
INo one can get out of this for you and idk how long this will last but know this: when you do get out, you’ll have crystal clear notion of what and who truly matters in life. And that, my friend, is something of immense value.
I have faith in you and hope you make your way out of the hole soon.
Take care of yourself, M137. You deserve it. <3
Wow, few can relate in the ways you’ve expressed, I haven’t been able to sit down and read your whole comment yet but the bits I’ve read show you understand. Thank you, and all the best to you! I’ll come back and write more once I have the energy. Hugs!
Thanks for the kind reply. No need to read or write a long thing back if you’re not feeling it. Just know you’re a valuable person and there are many ways out of this. Hugs to you too!
I feel immensely stressed about the US. I already felt stressed under the last guy but this feels wildly different and dangerous. When I spoke to a counselor about this in 2022ish they always just turn it back onto me.
A counselor being dismissive can’t feel good. Really sorry about that. And yeah, the US seems to be pretty chaotic right now. It feels to me like the entirety of western civilization is in crisis sometimes, and I get overwhelmed and stressed. It really does feel very dangerous and I wish it didn’t affect you and so many other people as much as it has.
Not saying I have any solutions but sometimes, when my entire life and everything is going straight to hell, i can make myself feel a little bit better by closing my eyes and remembering the good things I still do have, and just appreciating them for a second amidst the chaos. Like the support of people who care, the little health I have left, the roof over my head and my computer. haha. In my case it ain’t much, but it could be a lot worse. For me, anyway.
Just those little moments of trying to find some precarious version of inner peace make it a bit more manageable to me. Not that they’ll fix anything regarding circumstance, but they let me catch a breath and sometimes that’s what I need.
Thanks for taking the time to open up and I really wish the world becomes a friendlier place for you and all of us. Take care and with any luck, those counselors will start doing their jobs better to actually help people having a crisis.
Stay strong, ocean.
Thanks for your kind reply :)
Anytime, ocean. Hope it gets better for you and all of us.
I get you. In light of recent events I ended up looking for answers in a philosophy text book and landed on Jean-Jacques Rousseau and his social contract.
There were two points to me that stuck out, the first was that Rousseau how systems of governance become increasingly difficult the larger the group (modern communication would probably make this easier) and that the public will must be inclusive of all, not exclusive.
Looking out at the US today, I feel like it utterly fails in this philosophy (even though founders like TJ were a fan of his work), and while lot of places also fail, but the US at this point in time feels completly anathema to the concept of empathy, ethics, and the public will. Unfortunatly, the solution that historically tended to go hand in hand with these enlightenment ideals also got a bit choppy with kings, fairly revolty and that is a hard pill to swallow.
Don’t want to hijack this or anything, but following the news, even from here (a faraway land), was wreaking havoc on my mental health. I had to stop reading about it and looking at the news. It started feeling like looking at gore at some point. Just scratching some morbid itch about wanting to see horrible things. Since the outer world seemed lost, I started working on my inner world. I’m by no means a completely satisfied person, but I can tell you I’ve felt better. My life, circumstances have not improved one bit and the risks I and we all face have not changed, if not gotten worse, but I’m in a better place. Not a great one, but better.
I really hope things get better for everyone.
I know, it’s total chaos. It’s just awful. The world survived him once, so our survival rate is 100%. Doesn’t make it easier going through it though, and the whole thing is awful
Me too, edgemaster72. Me too.
Stay strong and keep your mastery on those edges!
Feel like shit in general since January, not only because of global events but also because of various shitty things happening in my personal life that coincidentally occurred around the same time. I have to say that when it seems like the world is actively on fire and burning down it severely affects my ability to compartmentalize. Like there’s an extra layer of gloom over everything.
It’s nice out today and I’m not feeling particularly awful, though. I made mini chicken pot pies so I’m looking forward to lunch.
Hi, Cid.
First of all, really sorry to hear that. It really does seem like the world is getting messy and having that mix up with personal stuff can’t be fun. Sometimes to me it’s like when it rains, it pours… Like why can’t it be one thing at once in manageable intervals? When stuff goes down for me, it feels like everything falls apart at once.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with all that. The gloom can be brutal. It ain’t pretty, but I think you have the right attitude. You know… appreciating a good day and feeling good about being a bit better kinda makes the weight more bearable. And chicken pot pies sound pretty damn good. Not gonna lie. haha.
Really appreciate you sharing and I hope things pick up for you and all of us. Have a great lunch! :)
Just general melancholy.
I have had severe trust issues my entire life which has led me to being very alone. I have gone to many many many therapists and not a single one has ever been able to tell me something I don’t already know.
I know why I got this way. I know how it manifests. I understand where it infects my relationships and how it effects others.
No matter what I do I cannot fully let anyone in. Obviously I trust people to varying degrees in my life, but even those closest to me (Mother/Father) I do not trust implicitly.
People say things like “you just have to trust people again” which feels akin to telling depressed people to “just be happy” again.
Every time someone gets close to me I lock down and keep them at arms length. I was explaining it to one of my exes recently. She is probably someone I trust the most and I told her it’s like doing a bellyflop. I am all aboard the trust train and then right before impact I flinch involuntarily. I can’t stop myself. No matter how hard I try I just cannot relinquish control and I end up stopping people short.
Another analogy I have used is that there is a wall. Everyone I have ever met or known is outside the wall. Including me. I don’t even trust myself entirely. Some people are allowed closer to the wall. Very few people can even lean up against that wall but nobody has been allowed over that wall as long as I can remember.
Anyways I once again hurt someone recently because of my inability to trust and I felt really bad about it. I have a lot of self hatred and anger directed at myself because of it.
What’s confusing to me is that I am actually an unbelievably open book with anyone. Anyone can ask me any question about anything in my life and I will answer it honestly if they want me to. I can’t get this book any more open… And yet I can’t trust anyone fully.
So I’m 32 now and I haven’t had a serious relationship since before covid. I have had a few dates and FWB situations since then, but they always get emotionally attached and I end up having to end things because I know that path leads nowhere and I don’t want them wasting their time and energy on a guy that’s never going to let them in.
I’m feeling a little better about everything today than yesterday but still pretty shitty today. Just trying not to eat away my sadness like I want to.
Well that sounds hard as hell. Sorry, MoreFPSmorebetter. Really sorry. And umm… can relate. A whole lot, actually. Like, your issues sound so much like my own it’s nuts. I feel deeply represented by your struggles.
I also try to keep maximum honesty and try to let people in, but it feels like part of me just won’t open up to trust, no matter how hard I try and truly want to be seen by someone. Anyone, sometimes. It’s like There’s always an emotional tightness inside me somewhere that is clenching on something intimate, for some reason, and will not let go for anything. Like part of my heart is for no one. Not even myself. It is only to be hidden and locked in at all cost.
Your post actually gave a lot of insight into my own condition, so I appreciate you sharing and I think I’ll benefit from your story. I wish I could offer something in return, but beyond hearing, relating and knowing what it’s like I have no tools or solutions that help with the core issue. If I did, I probably would be out enjoying my life instead of trying to feel better about myself and exorcise my deeply rooted shame by trying to help strangers have it better here… So I guess, in some weird way, something good is coming out of all my bs, for someone at least.
Despite your issues being unresolved and causing you pain, I don’t think your progress is meaningless. It gave me insight, anyway. If anything but that, it’s something I’m grateful to you for. Thanks for helping me introspect.
I guess what I really feel is that the future is uncertain for those like us, but I know I become a better person when I have hope for myself. I treat myself and others more kindly and carefully and with more consideration… Even if they never get across the wall, I make my best efforts to throw them things that might be useful to them from behind it. I really do.
I eat my sadness away too and have been doing so the last few weeks, and i’ll tell you something… It hasn’t helped. The void’s still there. The situation doesn’t change. I just feel more guilty and more ashamed, only with a full stomach.
I think I’m gonna go get something healthier to eat now. It’s way past lunch time and I’ve been starving myself. Thanks for the reminders, please treat yourself with more kindness and umm… idk… good luck. I sometimes have faith in myself, so I can definitely have faith in you.
Some day we’ll tear down the wall. Some day.
Thanks for sharing. <3
Let’s just promise that if either one of us figures out a solution to our trust issues we let the other one know the secret.
In a weird way I’m glad to hear there are other people with the same predicament I have. Until you nobody has ever really seemed to understand what I’m talking about. So while it still sucks at least I know I’m not the only person who has been unable to cross that line.
Thanks for letting me have the mini trauma dump. I hope you have a good day.
You have my word.
Thanks for the insight and I hope you have a great day too!
My brain is like a planet with a very thin crust with a black hole inside. Everything I am is built on this extremely delicate shell of stability, and sometimes it seems like I spend most of my time clinging to the edge after having fallen through. Medication makes the shell thicker and more stable, but there’s still a black hole in my head and it’s never going to go away and I’m so tired of fighting falling in.
That sounds really hard to handle. I’m sorry.
there are some aspects of my personality and person that took me a long time to come to terms with and accept because they seemed all bad to me. No possible upside. With time, thought, I came to understand that those aspects of myself have different value depending on context and situation, and sometimes, although not often, being the way I am in those ways I hate is great and a huge advantage.
Idk if this applies to you, but idk. Surely black holes are good for something? Maybe their power of attraction can somehow be channeled.
Either way, sorry you’re struggling with that. Good luck.
In the metaphor, the black hole is nihilistic, all-consuming, apathetic depression, and I just want to stop struggling, let everything fall apart and fall in and kill myself
Idk. detachment can be an advantage. So can carelessness and refusal to act. Definitely not all the time for all things but in the right circumstances all those things could save your life.
I get what you mean though and I’m sorry. I’ve struggled with depression a lot and it’s horrible. I wish I had the solution, pixeltree. I really do. I think it has to do with listening to myself, but can’t be really sure because I’m not fully past my own demons yet either.
Anyway, thanks for taking the time to explain. Hope you feel better soon and it becomes easier to endure.
I woke up this morning and eleven minutes later I was convinced that I needed to end it all. Luckily things have gone up from there. Exercise is such a stupid trick but it gives my brain the happy chemicals.
❤️🫂
Damn. I’ve been in similar moods / states of mind and they can really be hell. Even did my very best to get the deed done one time, but ended up waking up in a hospital, only to be locked up in a psych ward for months. It was the single most horrible time period of my life.
I’m really sorry you’re going through this. I know how it feels and I have no doubt in my mind you don’t deserve one ounce of it. I don’t know if anyone does tbh.
I’m glad you could get out of the funk and yeah, exercise seems like one of those things that is all benefit once you get rolling. Glad it helped and hope things pick up. Keep the happy chems flowing. :)
❤️🫂
I’m tired, boss.
Me three
Me too, DarkFuture. Me too.
Honestly Dock, I think I might be mentally unwell, today I saw a cheap lemonade stand maned by a cow that said psychiatric help 10¢ and I thought it would be a good idea to get help from it, clearly I must be insane.
Well… I’m not a doctor or have any kind of relevant education or training in order to qualify me to actually treat people in any way. Just starting off with that.
I’m just a friendly ear with a poorly photoshopped pudu in doctor’s clothes behind a cheap lemonade stand that’s willing to listen and will try to connect with what you’re going through in hopes of making some stranger’s life just a tiny bit better. That’s me.
I don’t know you and you don’t know me, but if you wanna talk, I’m listening. And I have no way of telling, let alone diagnosing, if you’re insane or not, but hey, if you are, you’re not the only one in this thread. lol.
Whether you are unwell or you aren’t, would love to hear more about it. So what do you say? Feel like sharing? pours lemonade and take out notebook
I have unresolved feelings of extreme guilt for abandoning my loving ex, for abandoning my sibling when they needed me most, for abandoning anyone who depended on me for support.
I’m okay day to day with caffeine to help focus my thoughts on the task at hand, but sometimes after too many coffees I lie awake at night spiralling into my head, living out fantasies of parallel worlds where I betrayed no one and am loved by all.
I ultimately dont think I’m a very nice person, and tend to act unconsciously towards my own self-preservation and interest. Writing stuff down helps, but I’ve decided to bite the bullet and go seek actual help.
tend to act unconsciously towards my own self-preservation and interest.
I don’t see that as a fault. One must take care of themselves first, then if possible, take on the burden of others.
Many people do the opposite and tend to everyone’s needs but their own. Then they fall apart at some point, never fulfilled.
You may have codependent friends or family like that skewing your perception of what’s best, causing you all this undue guilt.
I do agree with that, but my problem is that I think I’ve been taking care of myself and only myself for my entire life already
Well that sounds like a lot to handle, tetris11, even with the caffeine and distractions… and those spiralling thoughts at night don’t sound like a picnic either.
I don’t know if you’re a nice person or not, or the quality of the decisions you’ve made. Even if I knew everything you’ve ever done, though, I wouldn’t be qualified to decide that imo. I wouldn’t know what the experience of being you was. I wouldn’t know how you had it. How well or bad you feel. How being in your shoes is.
I’m glad you’re seeking help and I hope it gets you through this… and this is just a thought by someone who knows nothing about you, but maybe you could also, in parallel, try to be a bit compassionate with yourself. Maybe you messed up and maybe you caused damage, but also maybe… just maybe… you were also suffering, didn’t know what to do, were scared, or in pain or mad or whatever. I don’t know… Maybe your needs and circumstances aren’t meaningless in the context of your decisions, you know? Maybe your inner world also matters. I also often experience extreme guilt and you know what it doesn’t do? Help me. At least until I take a determination on how to act in the future… In my case It’s 90% self flagellation. And whatever it is for you, I hope it becomes less painful.
I really hope you feel better and I’m super happy you’re taking the initiative to fight those inner demons. Stay strong and keep fighting to improve! <3
Thanks, and yeah there definitely is an aspect of self-flagellation, since I’m not quite sure I actually want to forgive myself just yet. We’ll see.
How did your Friday happen? Did your friend reach out to you, or did you reach out to them for support?
Well for me it’s been like I deeply hated myself for many, many years with no desire to forgive myself for any of my mistakes. My inner dialogue was complete self hate. So yeah, I get it. You’re not there yet. Nowadays I still am unkind to myself internally, but sometimes I try to listen to the other side of me that made whatever mistake I’m ruminating on. The part that had some kind of need or pain. Just hearing them out a bit. Not justifying or embracing the mistake, just hearing out the circumstance. And it helps me a bit. Still have some days where I forgive myself nothing, but those are usually bad days.
Sometimes i think it’s just me lashing out on myself cause it’s what I was taught you’re supposed to do when you feel bad. It’s what I saw in my father do and what he did to me. Maybe I’m just a piece of shit too, you know? Who knows? What I do know is I become a better person to others when I just listen to myself a bit more. That’s me, anyway.
Friday was weird. I had a work obligation with this friend I’m starting a project with. He’s a person who’s deeply connected with his feelings and others in a weird way. Like, he’s a really good person and takes others into consideration more than anyone I know. He’s suffered great personal loss, which I won’t get into, and deep emotional pain and I think that somehow forced him to focus on what he considered valuable and worthwhile.
Anyway, that morning I told him I was feeling crappy and that we should meet up later in the afternoon to talk personal stuff (to force myself to get out of my apt and my own head, which i don’t always do). When it was time to go out, I felt so miserable about not doing basically anything all week, called him and told him I hadn’t done any progress regarding our project and just wanted to focus on finishing the stuff if that was ok. He said he wanted to meet. I said I’d prefer not to and then asked if he wanted to, and he said that he did.
So I wasn’t willing to go for my own benefit but did because I felt an obligation towards him and didn’t want to be a crappy friend. So I showed up, despite my shame.
We talked. He knows I struggle so he was gentle, but asked what was up. We went through what I was dealing with and he reassured me that whatever I was going through, getting out starts with knowing that there is a way out of my own head and visualizing the feeling of being out. Just knowing what it would feel like would help, he said. He also reminded me a few life lessons I like to forget. It felt really good. Someone caring, you know? Really helped.
I started picking up after myself the next few days. Slowly, but better each day, and feeling a bit better each day.
So TL;DR: I reached out, then backed off, then he insisted I showed up, so I did and it helped a lot.
And yeah, I guess we’ll see about you forgiving yourself. We’ll see how you get there and what it takes, and I truly believe we’ll see the wonderful person that emerges from that process. We will see. We’ll all see. :)
Thanks for asking, btw. <3
He sounds like a really good friend, patient and understanding.
I like your idea of listening and accepting your thoughts. I distract myself every way and when, and I think it doesn’t help with the processing, so maybe I’ll take a leaf out of your book and maybe just sit and reflect a little and see if I can come to peace with some of my mistakes.
Have a good day, stranger :-)
I’m in trouble, I can’t choose between Tangananica and Tanganana.
I was fearing someone else would also be struggling with this.
My suggestion is:
Choose pudú.
Absurd! The Dikdik party is the only sensible solution to the social and economic malaise our people face every day.
D:<
I keep telling myself that I’m doing ok and everything is fine, but at least once a day I suddenly collapse and start quietly sobbing. It usually happens in the shower, but it can happen anytime I have a brief moment alone. Only lasts for about 1 to 5 minutes and then I’m back up doing whatever it was I was doing, but its happening more and more frequently, and it’s getting harder to pretend I’m not overwhelmed by everything.
There is so much chaos and uncertainty. When I look at the state of the world, it feels like giving up and screaming incoherently into the void is somehow the most rational response; and that trying to keep going is the real insanity.
🫂❤️
I’m really sorry. That’s a lot. Sounds like you’re having a really bad time. I hope I had a solution for all of this but the truth is I don’t and no one probably does.
Even though it’s painful to think about, maybe it’s ok to accept things aren’t fine, though… Cause you know… maybe they’re not. Maybe it’s better to focus on the here and now and our inner worlds and come to terms with what we’re feeling, have our grieving processes and then be more practical.
To me instead of saying “ït’s fine. it’s fine. it’s fine. it’ll all be fine” I started thinking “Everything’s screwed and nothing is fine… but that’s ok. that’s how things are now. this is reality.”
It’s like the acceptance of things not being good as a possible state of being allowed me to stop running and I became more pragmatic. Cause it seems that for many, things aren’t fine. The world is in a state that has lots of us deeply worried, but among all the chaos and the risks and horrible things that are happening there’s us, the few inches in front of our faces, how we feel and how we treat those we care about. And that’s basically it. Everything else is just stories.
I decided to accept the world as a broken place and manage the little capabilities I have for the better support of the few I have the power to make a difference on, and idk it’s helped. I’m not saying this is universally good advice or helps anyone on a collective level, ofc. I don’t know you or what works for you.
My point is we can always come to terms with our grief and be pragmatic about the those we care about, regardless of our different ways to handle it. Seeing the world go to hell is a grieving process too. In my case accepting my own inner pain has at least spared me the pain and fear of running away from it.
I don’t know how well this applies to you and I understand it might not be anywhere near what you were looking for. I’m sorry. I really am. The world’s a mess and we’re all supposed to act normal. I wish it wasn’t like this. The problem is it is, and we feel the way we do. So are we just gonna keep denying being overwhelmed? Just keep bottling it up all day every day?
idk. It’s ok to be sad, mad, scared and overwhelmed. They’re not pleasant feelings, but they’re just feelings. They only have power over us when we try to escape from them
You stay strong and take care of yourself. Thanks for sharing and I really hope things get better.
Feeling really good! 😃 I’m aiming to get my passport so I can travel the world. The destinations on the top of my list are all on different continents. I’ve already got so many plans laid out and I’ve been spending the past week or so mentally prepping myself by watching videos about airports. I haven’t flown in a while and they’re gonna be long haul flights!
Ooooh you’re gonna get that fresh passport smell!! mmMMMmm plastic that lets you cross gates with armed guards. :D
Congrats on the awesome goal and it’s good you’re making plans! Videos of airports sounds umm… well, I guess you gotta get psyched somehow. hehe. I’m really glad you’re getting in the right headspace too.
I hope you get your passport soom and have amazing, wonderful adventures everywhere around the world, and all your wildest dreams not only come true, but are surpassed beyond your imagination. No, seriously. I hope you have good travels. The time I spent traveling changed my life for the best.
Godspeed, Elaine Cortez. Godspeed and thanks for sharing a little bit about your life. :)
Thank you! ❤️
Weird. On one hand, everything is dandy. On the other… Self-hatred is simply weighing down on me and while I know I have to work on it, it’s been 2-steps-forward-1.5-steps-back type of deal.
Human psyche is fucked up. You can have everything you might need, be as successful as you can be, but if there’s anything gnawing at you, no matter how small it might be, it will murderfuck you to the deepest pits of mental hell
I hear that, Metju. I really do.
Most of the most miserable moments of my life where during times i had everything “on paper”, as in… the check list of “things you need to be happy” was complete. Nowadays I’m poorer, unhealthier, have less friends, have a worse job, no partner, and basically have nothing glamorous to brag about… but I’m about a hundred times happier than I was back when i had the full checklist.
It’s funny cause I want some of those things back now, despite knowing how irrelevant they are. There’s something about me wanting to lie to myself about how important those things are and my happiness being up to them and not myself.
Yeah, human psyche is fucked. I guess the lies we tell each other to get status, money or votes we end up believing and then we go on these wild goose chases.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with self hatred. If it’s of any value to you at all, you seem like an insightful person and I appreciate you taking your time to share your thoughts and feelings with me.
Take care, Metju.
Been struggling with anxiety and OCD since around the holidays. Work got more toxic than it already was, so I started interviewing, which was stressful. I’m starting a new job Monday, and I have anxiety about it–imposter syndrome, I suppose. It’s essentially the same thing as I was doing, maybe with more responsibility, but a 50% pay increase. My biggest worry is I am going from no supervisor, making my own goals, and not working a strict 40 (less) to… who knows. It seems great, but I’m not sure if I’m ready for the level of effort, or the shock of going back to 40s.
My mental state is getting better as the date approaches, which is good, I just hope I can ride it out and settle into my new role. I’m starting Setraline today, at least.
That sounds like a lot you’ve been dealing with since the holidays and the work situation sounds complex too. I’m glad your mental state is getting better, though.
I’ve done setraline. Didn’t do much to me but everyone reacts differently. I hope you can settle on your new role too and wish you the very best.
Thanks for telling us a little bit about your world and I hope things work out for you. , Sweetpeaches69.
Thank you, Pudutr0n. And thanks for this thread! It’s kind of bittersweet to see that a lot of folks are struggling lately. I know my personal circle is. Together, we can pull through.
