Greetings.
I’m in quite of a pickle here, and just thinking about it will get me nowhere.
.
I attend a group hobby weekly.
Quite often we go for a follow-up hang-out in the local bar. I recall everyone else buying a drink and coming to sit down to have a chat.
I don’t buy anything. I wait for the first of us ordering and then I follow them to the table.
One of our attendees has commented on my behavior twice so far.
First she said that I’m a bum. That I use the bar’s staff and the place for my own benefit. There’s a chance that she said that in front of someone else.
Last night she commented that I’m still doing this (we two sat alone for a while). She’s afraid that they’ll throw us out because of my behavior.
I explained that I rarely buy stuff from bars.
On the second comment I said that I’ll probably continue this behavior to the end of times and they won’t throw us out because everyone else spends money. And that my friend said that she or her friends do the same thing quite commonly.
I could have felt her loathing upon me.
I don’t have the money to buy pricy consumables.
I have my own water bottle and sometimes snacks from a market to keep my belly full enough. Or then I don’t eat anything and eat later.
I’m there because of the company.
The employees haven’t commented anything about my behavior. I don’t know, would they even care.
.
Thoughts?
Am I unfair or is she?
I’m thinking about asking her next time that should I just leave if I’m such a bother to her.
I’m also thinking about suggesting us to talk about this as a group.
.
EDIT: I don’t think this is about alcohol. I believe most of them order something else cos it’s late Monday and most people go to work the next day.
EDIT2: We don’t have the tipping culture here.
EDIT3: Thanks for all the comments! You give my mind and feels some peace 💗
It’s called a third place, it’s a public place where you can just hang out. It should be more normal to just hang out somewhere and not spend a bunch of money. If a group wants everyone to buy something as a customer somewhere everyone should talk about it, if there is any dissent and people don’t feel comfortable being somewhere without everyone being a customer then the group should pick somewhere else to be (friends houses on rotation, library spaces, rent a room from a conference center, the park, etc).
I hate feeling pressured to buy things. Like if I wanted that thing, sure I would buy it, but I don’t so leave alone and let me save and spend my money and stuff I actually care about.
It is not a public place. It is a private establishment that allows some of the public in.
I will go against everyone here. You should buy a drink. Is polite. And it may make your friends bit uncomfortable.
That being said, while it is not a public place, not sure why they would care much considering others are purchasing something. Maybe your group should locate other location.
