As long as you didn’t bring that provoking pooch with you.

Nice sleuthing!

that won’t stop me

What is the first movie in that list? It looks like Noah Wylie but I can’t make it out.

dab on it

I legit enjoy getting scared so much that the few times I’ve experienced sleep paralysis I’m like “oh boy! it’s happening!” —but apparently that is exactly how you end a sleep paralysis episode is to just know that it is one/knowing it’s one helps relax you back into sleep.

Really bums me out.

This having negative votes adds to the joke.

I thought it was funny. Absurdism humor is hard to do.

Some matte tape will fix all of those problems…

…placed over their dashboard indicators, of course.

there is nothing in the desert, and no woman needs nothing.

My Reddit account was 19 years old before I was permabanned by their stupid AI for liking Luigi pics and saying I wish Trump wouldn’t wake up in response to a pic of him napping 😔

nah it’s just me sucking the life force out of people who groan at dumb jokes

I remember hearing a dunk on vegans a while back that went “how do you know someone’s vegan? they’ll tell you.”

but in my experience it’s more like “how do you know someone hates vegans? they’ll tell you.”

Given my lack of self control with sugar and sodium, I’d probably OD on propofol if I had unchecked access to it. I can sleep for eight hours without any noisy neighbor or birds waking me up? What’s the catch?? Except the OD part of course.

Yeah I should’ve hyphenated cream-filled to maybe break up that consistent gap.

I would literally doodle these on a notepad, take a photo with my phone, jack up the contrast, then put the text in using my handwriting as a font; all in ~10 minutes with barely any QA. I’ve been meaning to remake/re-draw them, but I know myself and the more work I put into it the less I’d enjoy it.

unbelievable

…that the cops would show up that fast

😮

(she asked me to marry her otherwise yeah I’d never know for sure for sure, y’know y’know?)

When I was in high school, a girl called me at home and this embarrassing conversation happened:

Her: So, this girl I know likes this guy I know, but he doesn’t seem to get any of her hints. What should she do to tell him she likes him?

Me: uh, I dunno, just tell him she likes him?

Her: …like, “I like you?” Just like that?

Me: yeah

Her: I like you.

Me: yeah, you got it, just tell her to tell him that and she’ll be all set.

Her: …

Me: …was there anything else?

——
The first girlfriend I had (not her) pulled me aside angrily in the hallway between classes and said something like “listen, I’ve been hitting on you for two weeks now and everyone else thinks we get along like gangbusters, I’m going insane; do you wanna go out with me or not?”
——
Anyways, I learned a few years ago I’m on the spectrum and it really helped give a lot of context for me and my dumbass.

If it weren’t for pre-shitty OKCupid I’d probably not be married rn

It’s me. I’m the artist. I don’t sign my work.

I’ll put OC in title next time?

👋

and he doesn’t live in a hotel