Oh no, cover your ears, poor innocent American! You heard nothing.

This is almost as bad as when we had to carpet bomb another village to a crater last week to prevent the public from finding out that …

^{women have nipples too}

Or powerwalked really fast.

But if the people who actually post something have not posted yet, or example because they were just born and thus too busy learning how to breathe to post yet, are they born cool even if they are then prevented from posting? Is a born-cool poster who loses the ability to post through a freak curling iron accident retroactively unborn cool? Is a born-cool poster who has yet to make their first post Schrödinger’s cool poster until they actually make their first post?

Which oune wold yo souggest?

Bit slow in the frames-per-second department though.

I dunno… Still better ratings than the star wars star cruiser hotel thingie.

They’re only called stars if they grew up in the St. Arse region of France.

Your mom.

Wait, that doesn’t make any sense.

Wait, it not masking any sense has never deterred anyone from making a your mom joke, so it’s fine after all.

Wait, that’s actually a pretty grim appraisal of the state of what is considered to be humorous.

In that case, I’ll go with my sweatpants instead, if I may.

Not again.

*Autounfall

*Kochpunkterhitzungstemperaturschreibgeilindiekommentarewenndudasverstehstbohnenerfrischungsgetränktasseninhalt

The Vance method guaranteed* to work:

[enter donut shop] * point at random employee*

“How long have you been working here!”

“About eighteen months”

“And how long have YOU been working here!”

“Six weeks or so.”

“Mhm. AND YOU!”

Then just go through every single employee, order ‘whatever makes sense’ and leave.

*this claim has been rigorously fact-checked by dog-eating Haitians

Because it’s too expensive to crunch up a whole iPhone just for one cone.

He’d have evicted himself out of his own houses and then run an ad campaign to have himself executed for a murder he didn’t commit long before he entered politics properly.

Musk just bought himself a judge who ruled that Musk’s slapp suit falls under said Texas court’s jusrisdiction. For what reason does it fall under Texas jurisdiction? Well, the answer is fuck you, you’ll get sued in Texas where slapp suits brought forth by billionaires are legal, that’s why.

“One last thing: just imagine I was wearing some rad bat-inspired suit instead of just my boxers. Should be finished in about two days max, hold on, I think I got pictures of what it should look like on my phone, lemme see… Wayne birthday party, no, Wayne Manor basement Batcave construction site, no, Alfred’s risotto, no, BATSUIT CONCEPT ART, there we go, have a look at this-”

Q: “How many r are there in strawberry?”

A: “This question is usually answered by giving a number, so here’s a number: 632. Mission complete.”

Sure, when the chips fall, eating a computer rig won’t stave off starvation for even a minute.

Every. Single. Time.

Looking at the TP with my functional eyes? I am skeptical.