Alternately, a spritz bottle with a few meters of range loaded with cheap Cheyenne/ hot pepper powder water might keep them at bay?

I’m not a local. Pissed off spicy monkeys might need an unfortunate result.

‘Is Butterbean OK?’ -Johnny Knoxville

They ate themselves alive.

This is me. I have three unfinished scifi/horror manuscripts that will probably remain so because I took so long to write them that the future I created would be a boring dystopia if it got published today.

Post apocalyptic stuff still sells, though, or stuff that is so esoteric and far in the future that it’ll be timeless for another 20-50 years.

You never see someone taking a shit while running at full speed. -George Carlin

Using Augusten Burroughs for their marketing was their first mistake.

I’ve got nothing to hide ;)…

Had TSA take me aside and X-ray my laptop for a good 20 minutes last time I flew.

To be fair, the laptop had a sticker that insinuated drug use, but it’s not like I had hidden a thousand doses of Mega LSD under the SSD (which it really looked like they were scanning for).

I imagine they asked you to power the baby off and on whilst they hid behind a blast shield.

To muddy things, asexual (Ace) may still be attracted to one, none, or more than the above listed subsets: they just might have no interest in sexual Congress with them.

There was this dumb ‘headset’ that retro enthusiasts loved that was just a big old Mah Bell phone receiver that plugged into your '00s era dumb phone.

Combine that with a High Quality landline phone ringtone and you’d be the coolest dork at the nerd party for approximately 5 minutes.

Look out! It’s going to fire it’s laser!

:A bunch of feral cats materialize and chase a red dot around your chest:

That’s how I made collect calls back in the 90s: I was also a parrot, back then. Your experience may have differed.

Unexpected European Vacation quote.

https://youtu.be/VoAfb3f04mo Where there’s a whip, there’s a way.

I have heated up a foil lined tetra carton of soup that caused some sparks, but I stopped it immediately and learned my lesson.

Technically, any metal is a no no, but her microwave has never exploded.

American electric kettles are also quite a bit slower to boil because our mains voltage is so low. https://youtu.be/_yMMTVVJI4c

A towel made of tea, for tea, and by tea.

My boomer mom will put a tea bag in a mug of water then nuke that until it bubbles to make tea. (Yes, even when the tea bag has a staple).

But, if she is heating up a can of soup, she will dump that into a sauce pan and heat that up on the gas range, on the burner right next to the nice kettle I got her years ago.