My poop told me to stop eating Fiber 1 bars for a while, and it was right. I haven’t shit a cow patty in two days now.

For me, probably fatherhood. At least when it’s wholesome and going well, which is about maybe half of the time. Depends on the day with a four-year-old. But even when I want to hurl her off of a fucking bridge, I’ll miss her to death the moment she’s finally asleep or at preschool. So much sometimes that I could probably cry. It’s really powerful. I truly know what it feels like to be willing to die for something. No hesitation. I’d die for my wife as well, of course, but with my daughter it’s a whole other animal. It’s hard to articulate.

Andrew Santino and Bobby Mom.

B.C. is fucking gorgeous, but even the most backwater shithole of a home there in some tiny town with one gas pump lists for 600k or more because you can see mountains from your bathroom.

My wife and I looked up multiple listings we had driven by out there last summer purely out of boredom and curiosity, and from Alberta to Vancouver they were all priced like that. We didn’t even bother looking up the really nice ones.

I genuinely don’t know how all the regular folks living out there with basic or retail/service jobs manage to survive at all.

Scandinavia thrives under Odin’s watchful eye.

The good eye. Not the bad one.

Bad one doesn’t work.

I tried for years to enjoy the Beatles, but I never really felt the same magic that others do. I certainly respect what they accomplished, but I find most of their music is just weird and whimsical.

Very pretty spot.

I just view the person giving it as trashy. They’re like a living Kid Rock album. So bad-ass.

It was either the shrimp or the bean sprouts in the food court Pad Thai. I was visiting my S.O. in Canada and wound up in a 3-day war with food poisoning. I could not stop puking and shitting. I shit so much acidic death juice that my asshole was in absolute agony and never cooled down. It was like someone had fileted and cauterized my rectum. I couldn’t even sit on the couch properly. Fortunately, her sectional was old and had collapsed in on itself in the very corner. I sat in this corner, right on top of the collapsed portion. It was perfect for supporting my body without making contact with the seat of my pants. I sat in this corner for three days watching weird YouTube videos about Centralia and other phenomena, while intermittently hopping up to puke and shit and fart. I was so fucking sick. I felt like I was going to die.

My nostalgia for the little things in nature are honestly one of the most meaningful things in my life, and often something as simple as the sound of leaves quietly rattling across the ground on a damp autumn night evokes a deeply spiritual feeling.

It was likely a permanent Sharpee marker. Hopefully it holds up. Fingers crossed that I’m able to return there as a ghost one day to watch someone unearth what they believed was a map to the family treasure.

It’s been a few years but I don’t remember that at all, but I’d be interested to see if I’m bothered by it on a re-watch.

There’s a phenomenal French horror series on Netflix called Marianne that my wife and I enjoyed immensely. I don’t usually shoot for that particular brand of horror (demon/ghost), but Marianne is fucking excellent. Can’t recommend it enough.

The masses know nothing of the crunch. They’ve never even been to the crunch.

My brother and I put a corked glass bottle down in an old defunct drainage pipe beneath my parents’ house. This pipe/canal is quite large and isn’t obstructed by the bottle, and the bottle can clearly be seen by peering into a hole in the cement of the basement storage room. Inside of that bottle is a carefully folder paper bearing on it a crude drawing of a cock and balls.

https://youtu.be/L7RtJ1scnfk?si=Dp_17vlyy6MvV5eC

Nah. Crash Bandicoot has always been trash.

Weird that you pass through so much of Ohio and don’t find any peepee or poopoo within.

The Rizzler is the smaller brother here. He’s in the videos with the other two. I got a good laugh out of that little chubby kid being called the goddamn Rizzler, but other than that I had my fill of them after one or two videos.

I used to be over 350 lbs. with long, thin, greasy hair and a very pale complexion. My nose isn’t long, but it’s a bit pointy. Probably had dark eye sockets if I’m being honest about my health at the time. Anyway, my friend’s brother stood in front of me when we were sitting around drunk, and said “No offense, but you look like the Penguin (from Batman) right now.” Then went on to try to make that sound less offensive by suggesting it was just the lighting or the angle or something. But I knew what he was talking about. He was absolutely right. I never felt worse about myself.

Thankfully I lost all that weight over a decade ago. Shaved my head, got healthier, grew a beard, and had what my wife calls a tremendous glow-up. But I used to be the Penguin… So you should watch out.