So I see a lot of the obvious solutions but nothing that actually answers the question. Let’s get practical.

Ground rules, in this hypothetical scenario I’m working under the assumption that you are not going to persue the obvious legal requirements and instead are looking to keep the suitcase money (we will be calling it S$ for short) without potentially getting trouble.

Step 1: Don’t fucking touch it

!First, verify that It’s an amount worth the trouble. If so, don’t spend it, don’t play with it, don’t even look at it. Put it, case and all into a vacuum storage bag, put that bag in a metal container with a lock, put that container somewhere inconvenient but accessible. You’re going to pretend it doesn’t exist for at least 3 months, Ideally 6. If anyone can connect it to you, it won’t take half a year for them to come collect. If they come, hand it over with absolutely no argument, no questions, minimal conversion. You don’t know what it’s about, you don’t care what it’s about. Inform them that storing their money in vacuum bags between clothes and transporting them via generic hiking style backpacks will prevent this from happening in the future. It isn’t as stylish as they briefcase of bills, but it’s harder to steal, drop, or spot in a crowd and healthier for your posture.

Be amicable with their demands, let them count it there, answer any questions they ask honestly, offer them food or alcohol. You were keeping the money safe to see if anyone was coming for it before you kept it. You can’t call the police when they leave because then you’d have to explain why you had the money and didn’t report it, they have the money and killing you would just increase the risk of getting caught. Everyone walks away and forgets this happened. The food and drink will calm your nerves in the stressful moment and works as a social lubricant, theyre less likely to kill you for this if you’re cool, friendly, and hospitable.!<

While you wait, you don’t have to be idle. 6 months is plenty of time to establish a cover story and a budget. The cover story is how you prove this money isn’t a suitcase full of bills you happened upon, it’s money you earned legit. A budget is a budget, you should already have one at home this is just bigger.

Step 2A: Money is math

!The method we will use here depends heavily on the amount of money so we start with budget because it’s basically the same any way we cut it. There is a big caveat. Depending on your income, there is only so much you can excuse before someone takes notice. We don’t need a rags to riches story catching the attention of interested parties. Most of us can disappear between 10k and 100k, but if you’re not already in the big bucks, explaining a million dollars in your lifetime is not convenient without a rich uncle to bump off. Fortunately, at that kind of money you can just find a quality lawer and financier. So do that and pay them to turn your egg into a golden goose.

Start by figuring your income and expenses. We’ll be using this to establish realistic projections for your new “income.” After all, if you’re making minimum wage working 80hr weeks, it’s going to look bad to report a sudden double in your income that’s straight cash. If it’s a job that pays equal for the same hours, that only leaves you 8hr a week to sleep. If it pays better for less hours, why aren’t you working there instead? Ideally to start you want to allow for a quarter of your income in suitcase money. You won’t need to explain having a side hustle that gives that. Put it in the bank and try to save this money, we’re building a papertrail to legitimize your new “career” move.

The idea here is simple, but it takes research and math. Based on your cover story in the next step, you’re going to establish a modest trajectory. Average out the kind of money you can make doing the thing, divy the S$ into monthly amounts that are slightly below that trajectory. Do not make them even amounts, do not make them consistent amounts, do not make them silly patterns. If you’re up to it, break it down to change. Seal these in vacuum bags with printed labels for the date each one is meant for. You don’t want to accidentally deposit a higher amount than projected. Ideally, transport each one individually to a safety deposit box, store them in a fire safe, burry them in a trunk in your crawlspace, just make sure they’re safe and hard to find. The worst thing would be nosy family finding your stash or losing it all to a random electrical fire. !<

Step 2B: Find a clever disguise…

!Now that we know the shape of the beast, we need to find its name. You’re going to want a very boring or even cringy side hustle that is cash oriented. Landscaping, basic car maintenance, collectables, vending machines, these are things that don’t have a high overhead, don’t need good records, and can scale realistically to the values we’ll be using. Equally important, it needs to be something you’re interested in. If someone audits you, you have to breathe, sweat, and bleed this topic. It’s going to look pretty bad if you grassroots a business based on antique toys and you can’t tell the difference between Fisher Price and Playskool.

The next big step, actually do the thing. You don’t have to make a profit off of it, 80% of your monthly “earnings” is vacuum bagged and waiting to be deposited, but you fo have to engage in it. How’s it going to look if you made 2k mowing lawns and no one can say they’ve hired you? You own 40 vending machines and no one has ever seen you refill them? That’s dubious. !<

Step 3: Establish ownership the easy way

!Ideally after 6 months you can safely say you’re in the clear. Now you can start the hard part. If the money is around 10k-40k and you don’t have any pressing needs you can play the slow game for an easy score. The IRS allows you to claim 10k annually as Hobbies before they tax you as income. Do the hobby, deposit it like a side hustle, claim hobby and in the next 3-7 years you’ll have put all of it in your bank account without ever having to explain your sudden interest in Alpha edition magic: The Gathering cards. Just follow a steady curve of profit until your “declining interest” leads to a pittering out at the end of your S$ or you actually make it onto a profitable venture.

Now if the money is bigger than that but not quite buying a senator money, you’re going to do exactly the same over a longer scale with bigger amounts by establishing an LLC, operating a business with low expenses and cash heavy transactions, and claiming the S$ as your monthly incomes. You’re going to be looking at gas stations, small theatres, car washes, laundry mats, smoke shops, home repair, cleaning, or no tell motel, avoid anything with more expense than you have S$. Incorporate after the second year, that way if the business never manages to float without the S$ you can write it off and burn it down when you’re done!<.

Now obviously I can’t condone this kind of thing in real life, but if you’re ever looking for a business partner in a hypothetical scenario, jit me up.

Got it, veronica smooching ladies it is.

Soup of the night and this? How did you access my secret meme vault?!

What’s that little arch in the bottom? Is that the guy’s logo? If so I’ll cover it with ED-E.

Is this AI? Damn, I assumed it was good Photoshop.

Most ghost stories I’ve read have been about haunted places and haunted things

I actually love this idea as the big boss for a paranormal investigation table top. Have the villain of the story build a haunted mansion out if stollen ghosts.

Every time I see this I wish for bright orange anxiety pants.

Can somebody get a good copy of that image so I can set it as my wallpaper?

We could mail them to Elon. Bully the rich with beans.

Recently tried “Originals” from ALDI. They remind me of Oreo’s when I was a kid. I also love that their knock off cookie of a knock off cookie is named Originals.

Hey if you don’t get it sorted, hit me up, I’m in the Chicago timezone and I can give you my docker file and walk you through how I did exactly the same thing you’re looking for.

Those were actually pretty fun.

I have plans for a piece on my fore arm of a stylized 3 headed rat. There will be a fancy crown hovering over the arch of its back in blacklight ink so in the right setting it glows.

The Ratking is my favorite mythological creature, in myth they keep and deal in secrets as their rats work as spies. My favorite part though, is that the mythical Ratking is created the same way as the normal one, rats getting stuck together. It’s that mythical from the mundane that I love so much.

heres the Wikipedia page. That will give you the details. I highly recommend heading to the wiki and reading a few if you’re at all a fan of creative fiction and sci-fi/horror.

If you’re more of an audio type, I cannot recommend The Exploring Series enough. He’s not only got the dry and clinical tone that the format lives on, but he has some well timed jokes and he also elaborates both on the entry and any entries referenced.

Find an abandoned building with some reputation near by. Use tape and glue to hang all the photos of people on every single wall. Scratch out all the eyes and draw them back on in a sloppy way that makes them look disproportionate and like they’re all staring at the middle of the room. Place a single chair in the middle of the room. Place a teddy bear with a cigar in it’s mouth on the chair. Melt a bunch of candles down to stumps in clusters around the room. It helps to cut a few grooves down the sides. Close the door and seal it with duck tape, like with 6 rolls of tape in every direction. Write “piss off!” On the tape in big painted letters. Have a friend call in a tip to the local news about weird noises in the area.

I’d very much like to make a custom format. I miss the tactile nature and robust quality of cartridge games for Nintendo and the aesthetic feel of 8-track radio in cars. We have the tech to make it happen, I’d like to encode all of my media into 2.5in sata SSD or something like that. Sure it’s bulkier than most options but the satisfaction of popping in a cart and the ability to drop it and not immediately destroy it would be nice.

Holy shit, that guy uses the same skull lemon I used to use!

This is location heavy question and it depends a lot on your willingness to do work for cheap, but there are options.

Shitty part time is a great option. Side hustles mean you’re free lance and free lance means you do a lot of work finding paying gigs. If it isn’t something you enjoy, just find a liquor store or an independent gas station that needs extra hands. They don’t make you jump through hoops like corpos do.

If you have access to a lawn mower and a vehicle to move it, lawncare can pay big. My uncle is in his 70s and still makes his living with a beat up rider and a truck. Everything you need to know can be found online and the more you know the better gigs you can get. I’ve met a few people that started as a side hustle and now do it for a living.

House repair. Paint walls, patch drywall, surface floors, deep clean. It gets you a lot if work especially in renter heavy neighborhoods. Land lords half ass because they don’t want to pay for good work, if you offer cheap they keep you on speed dial.

Bit more expensive and technical, but if you have a 3d printer you can make minis and game pieces to sell at local hoby markets. Nerds pay big money for custom minis for d&d and I paid off my $800 printer in a year selling custom hero forge prints. Use abs and learn how to chemical smooth and you’ll be the talk of the town.

Ultimately, the best option is to jest get better employment. It’s a bitch but if you get creative you can find it.

That’s just the backup