Hello fellow sufferer.

Not quite the same on my end but it ended up in the same place. When I started there were already two instances running (one for the parent company and one at my location, which had gotten acquired). Maybe a hundred nodes all together, and our job was just responding to alerts in a mostly out of the box setup. Then my boss got sick of trying to work around limitations of that setup and demanded admin access so our team could at least make adjustments. Which eventually turned into me being asked to add nodes, which turned into me being the primary administrator. Which was actually pretty sweet for a bit because I got to learn a lot, both about the software and the company. Finally convinced management to merge the two installations rather than rely on that EOC garbage.

Then the acquisitions started rolling in.

By the time I walked out there were 2000+ nodes in a dozen locations, and it was still just me and somehow still just a side job.

Orion has its faults but after migrating so many acquisitions from a handful of other platforms I still prefer it. Everything seems like it’s optimized for small installations and/or specific platforms. When shit gets that big you need a team to run it properly. Which is why I’m allowed to say “Solarwinds” in my house, but guests are asked to leave if they mention the C-suite as anything but sociopathic leeches.

Depends on their level of interest and/or knowledge. My job isn’t exciting or prestigious, just niche/specialized. Most of the time when I say what I do, I get a blank stare. If that’s the case I’ll just say “I babysit computers” and leave it at that. I’ve had the conversation enough times that I know it’s not worth the effort to try explaining it further. “Oh, you work with computers? My brother in law is a programmer, perhaps you’ve met him?”

Sometimes people will get the gist of it just from the title, and these are usually the most interesting conversations because they’ve made the (un?)conscious effort to understand something new to them. I am totally down with that.

On very rare occasions someone will actually know what it is that I do. This inevitably leads to trading war stories about redundant alerts to please management, unbalanced power loads, poorly defined environments handed over with little to no explanation, cable curtains, and how even other IT people have no clue what we’re on about half the time.

Nobody else has stepped up so far, so I guess I’ll downvote you to keep the streak going.

I got no horse in this race but if I can help someone feel better during the course of the day, it’s been a good day.

My old car was that way. I remember a friend climbing in for a ride and being so embarrassed that the back seat was full of empty beverage bottles. When I finally got a new car, I told myself “no more.” 18 years later, the car looks its age on the interior but it’s not full of trash.

My desk, on the other hand, is still just piles of stuff loosely organized by “newest on top.” 😒

There are exceptions.

No weapons

Does mayonnaise count?

Mysteries and Mayhem (in my ass)

“Chew on”, in this case, is a figure of speech meaning “think about,” typically in a different light than previously afforded on the topic.

No one would actually eat an alot. Alots are intelligent and friendly.

Who says that is metrics for success?

Society, unfortunately. I know that my worth as a human being is not defined by my net worth. In fact I actively push back against it. But it doesn’t change the reality of society as a whole choosing to look down on anyone that isn’t “productive” or “independent*”. And it’s fucking exhausting.

Better call Bitch Pudding.

They say, in heaven, “butt plug Smurf.”

Lots of people are saying it. Good people, smart people.

I am so happy to hear you have a friend who is willing and able to help you out!

Aaaand he cancelled. ᕕ(ᐛ)ᕗ As I said, everyone I know is going through some shit. I’m a bit disappointed but not mad. Or even surprised.

Wouldn’t it be great if we could get some mental health professionals who actually trust that someone is accurately describing what they’re dealing with and how? Like - you can throw neurotypical-friendly solutions at me all day but there just might be a reason they won’t work the same as they have for someone else.

Some people are just in it for the money. Just like in the “real” world, if you don’t fit inside the box, they don’t care. You’re not worth the effort. Some do it because they care. Which is good… to a point. Caring will drain someone, listening to people who are in pain all day, every day.

Some people are in it to learn, and to share that knowledge. These are the ones most likely to take what you say at face value… and then dig to get to the root of it. I’m lucky to have found one of these people as my therapist, and doubly lucky that he’s part of the hiring process at the facility. He wants the culture to reflect his values. I just wish I could have found this support system sooner.

This is genius. And revolting.

Also, even if it pays more, I suppose writing code where I don’t even fully know what it’ll be used for feels less “rewarding” than serving customers.

That’s a big problem for me too. Everything is always super important to the business, but I was so far removed from that effect that it could have been counting jellybeans for all that it mattered to me. I believe that’s referred to as “alienation from labor.” And it’s been thoroughly normalized.

Hand farts, via practice.

Hand sanitizer really opens up avenues for expression.

So any time you need to do Big Project, each smaller step is in itself Big Project and subdividing is off the table.

Got it in one. Hat’s off - just about every mental health professional I’ve talked to has had trouble with this part.

It also sounds like you’re tackling everything without help. If you can stand it, would organising a group task force help? My partner (not me - I can’t do people very well) got together with some of her more reliable friends and they will plan every other weekend to all descend upon one of their homes and spend about 4 hours doing What Needs To Be Done. It turns the activity into more of a social gathering, and they actually get things done.

Correct on the mostly alone thing. My spouse and I are very similar when it comes to executive dysfunction (which is as mutually frustrating as it sounds) and she is nowhere near handy. It’s all me when it comes to maintenance/repairs.

Pretty much all of our close friends have their hands full with their own lives/kids/crises. What’s worse, I’ve had people promise to help and then ghost me. And every contractor I’ve hired has done a half-assed job at best. Most have been straight up incompetent. It makes me (further) question my decision making skills.

But on the bright side, one friend’s crisis landed him on leave for a bit. (He very much needed the break.) He put out a general offer to help because he has time and knows I’m struggling, so I took him up on it. Hopefully between the two of us we can figure out how to replace the rest of the gutter guards this week.

Professional or not, I appreciate the feedback and empathy. Thanks, kind internet stranger. 🫡

When something becomes a job, it becomes less fun. It’s often good to keep work and hobbies somewhat separate.

So much this. Back when I started working, my special interest was computer science. Teenage me would constantly tinker with my home computer just to tinker. So I went to trade school for it and got a job as a field service tech almost immediately upon graduation.

I burned out so fast I didn’t even realize it was happening.

Some of it was the field part. I’ve always been socially awkward and anxious (not diagnosed with anything at the time) but I was Doing What I Was Supposed To Do. And it drained me. Going into businesses was bad enough. Finding addresses in and around Philly when the best option was a Mapquest printout. Crawling on the floor of an auto shop in my slacks because the cables were pulled so tight that I couldn’t slide the tower out at all. Opening a box in a bowling alley to find that the issue was overheating due to everything being coated in sticky smoke residue and dust (holy fuck the smell). Being put on the spot by business owners demanding something or other that was out of my control. And then working on personal boxes, whether in the shop or at people’s houses, was a whole other can of worms. Dude, I don’t want to know why you had a nude selfie as your Win95 desktop. Hide your junk before taking it in for service.

The rest of it was having to do the thing I liked all day every day (and some nights). For every interesting and novel problem there were two dozen repetitive builds/installs, and a handful of crap that was way above my pay grade. I was laid off shortly after the company moved out of the storefront and into an office to focus on the B2B aspect… and then promptly lost their biggest client because they got big enough to hire their own staff. I was only there a year and a half but I felt so beaten down.

I picked back up a year or so later in the corporate world, this time doing overnight batch processing and going through ungodly amounts of paper via monster printers. This was mostly okay except for the hours and the pay. Eventually had to move on, and ended up at a place that rewarded my ingenuity with more responsibilities and the occasional promotion. A NT person would have job hopped. But my ass spiraled. I lost any interest in doing computer/networking for myself anymore. Just got more and more burned out. Covid was a brief reprieve, actually seeing sunshine all summer in 2020. Then they started turning the screws harder until I quit. A competent lawyer could have easily argued constructive dismissal. But I didn’t have it in me.

As for OP’s question, I don’t have an answer. My values and interests simply do not align with the world as we know it. I don’t care about money. I don’t care about success. But without the former we’re kinda deemed unworthy of living. Because the world is run by sociopaths.