for AI, not by AI

you were actually taught that?? for the love of Snoopy

that’s nowhere near enough testing for such a large change… special one written by the slop machine

LOL TIL!!!

Thanks!

what’s with the green pepper outside of the cave? hahaha

What? it is 1000% not about me. The examples I gave from my life were an attempt to show how this post would fit even in a benign, emotionally healthy household… and therefore possibly paint it as abusive

For the last time (I have written this about 9 times by now) I did understand the post, I know exactly what they meant because, as other have pointed out, when you have lived it you recognize it.

My problem is that is so poorly written, I think vulnerable people may misconstrue it and wind up painting their parents as abusive when they are not… or, perhaps worse, paint empathy as a bad thing (which is a fashionable thing to do from all the toxic alpha male influencers nowadays)

No worries (I rarely even noticed up or down votes)

I am actually surprised how many people just won’t read. I have said like 8 times I understood the post, I just find it poorly written and worry vulnerable people may misrepresent it, just to have a million people explaining the post to me.

I once again repeat, I understand what the post was going for, I am just complaining it is very poorly written and fear people would attribute abuse to family members that are not abusive in anyway

The post is wirrten by someone who has experienced this and is understood by those who do. For anyone who has grown up in this sort of abusive situation will immediately recognize what it’s saying.

And this is why I care… not everyone is super stable/smart/objective/capable of self reflection… this is the irresponsible shit going online that pushes those people the wrong way

This is not an “abusive household” community, the context is not implied

Are you aware of what walking on eggshells actually means?

Yes, and for the umpteenth time, I understood the post. I am just complaining about how poorly written it is… which in my opinion, could be dangerous for some people

I agree it could be worded more clearly. Yet for everyone who has lived with this it is clear.

Certainly… but for people who are vulnerable in many other ways, it may paint a rushed mom or a worried dad as abusive when they are not. This is not posted in an “abusive household” community where the context is implied.

You would say ‘just avoid your parents when they are drunk’

I would NOT say that.

Overall you are arguing the wrong things with me. I understood the post and agree that catering to abusive parent’s emotions creates bad emotional responses… my point is that the post does not, in anyway, make it clear this is an emotionally abusive household (they almost make a point not to) and then paint completely normal empathetic reactions as defense/survival mechanisms.

A clear post would not use the vague wording “someone’s mood changes the atmosphere”. If I am your best friend, my dog just died but I still make an effort to go to your birthday party because you are my best friend. My mood is not quite right and you, being my best friend, notice, ask me about it and I cry telling you “Fluffy” just died. My sad mood will absolutely (if temporarily) kill the atmosphere of your party… I guess I am an abusive friend for trying to not bail on your birthday and you are somehow on survival mode because you had empathy for me?

I am using this example “on the other edge” of the spectrum just to show how poorly written the post was and how it can easily fit the most benign scenario

The text is very clear for those who have experienced that. It’s very hard to fathom for those who haven’t, and those are blessed for it.

And this is why I care… not everyone is super stable/smart/objective/capable of self reflection… this is the irresponsible shit going online that pushes those people the wrong way

No, it’s not. They describe an abusuve household explicitly.

can you point me to that part?

They’re also talking about when an entire household goes tense because the matriarch gets in a bad mood and everyone is waiting for things to explode.

Actually they do not, they insinuate that but they NEVER say what you are interpreting.

“someone’s mood could change the entire atmosphere of a house” -> In a loving caring household, mom and dad and eldest kids are dancing and having fun when youngest kid arrives in tears… a loving caring household would cater to such scenario and the entire atmosphere would change as they have empathy for the young kid and this is a GOOD THING!..

See how what was described is entirely too vague? I once again repeat, I understand what the post was going for, I am just complaining it is very poorly written and fear people would attribute abuse to family members that are not abusive in anyway

Just because there is some overlap between behaviors and events with a normal household does not change the fact that they explicitly stated they are talking about an abusive one.

Again, please point to the explicit part

People having basic awareness of the emotions of others they live with is normal. Memorizing the sound of each individual’s footfalls and how they open a door so that you can instantly know who is where and who specifically is stomping around aggressively on the other side of the house so that you can prepare yourself and the space your in to minimize the incoming firestorm… that’s not normal, that’s survival.

And where is this described in the post? the dad being quite during dinner? OMG the abuse is staggering!

Short internet post screenshots are never going to capture the full nuance of a statement and are a poor mediun for things like this, but at the very least you can choose not to ignore part of what little is there to push your own interpretation.

And they should be shut down then because vulnerable people would swallow this up and make their lives way worse

You could also take a quick scroll through the other comments in this thread…

I once again repeat, I understand what the post was going for, I am just complaining it is very poorly written and fear people would attribute abuse to family members that are not abusive in anyway

why? we get along, we love each other

Again (not sure why this is hard) I UNDERSTAND what the post was going for, I am just complaining it is very poorly written.

If instead of starting with the vague “someone’s mood shifts the atmosphere” (which is complete bullshit and can indeed be a completely benign thing) it had started with “an emotionally abusive household” I think the message would have come across a lot more clear. The way it’s currently written would certainly cast loving parents in a healthy home as abusive

maybe? but I am just reading the post.

I mean even if the start had been explicit about abusive parents I would have been OK with the post… but even the wording “a household where someone’s mood shifts the atmosphere” come on!..

Anecdote time:

I love music and it is rare I am not playing some music when I am at home. When I have been out of town, my kids (grown already) had said the house felt sad because there was no music playing.

Similarly, when our cat of 20 years died, my mood was not very lively and I did not feel like listening to music… ergo, the house was indeed sadder than normal.

This anecdote fits the post to a T… yes I am taking it literally but there are LOTS of ways this could have been written more clearly and not cast a hurried mom (slamming cabinets) or a worried dad (quieter then usual at dinner) as abusive.

Finally, to clarify, this concerns me because TONS of kids read this stuff and swallow it entirely.

Emotionally abusive parents is what is described

How is a quieter than usual Dad an abusive parent? it is an absolute exaggeration.

Let me explain: a ranging alcoholic, violent father, would trigger all emotional alerts on a kid. As soon as said father arrives home, the kid would be on edge.

So, in a post like this, they basically skipped over the entire context of the raging alcoholism… instead they said it’s a red flag when parents arrive and open the door.

I understand the context is supposed to be implied; but the post is just very poorly written. It would be like me saying “you learn quickly to protect your face from a bite as soon as a dog barks”… dogs bark all the time, very few would eat people’s faces. In this example, a simple slam of a cabinet or a quieter then usual dad could mean 100000 benign things. OP should have been clear that this was already an abusive environment or at least select better examples of “alerting” behaviour

The implicit presumption is that if someone is quietly fuming now, they’ll become physically violent later…

That is a gigantic leap… 100% of the population would have many healthy reasons for being quieter than they normally are and the vast majority do not blow up in a violent rage afterwards.

This is exactly my issue with this post.

It’s very hard to discuss a real historical situations when you’re working from a superficial description or hypothetical implication.

Once again, not the point. We can talk hypotheticals all you want but if we are to make a point, it would be best to make a clear one

A friend of mine just had his father-in-law pass away…

Exactly… I don’t think it’s fair to paint these parents as abusive. Moreover, I do not think there is anything wrong (in this scenario) with kids noticing and trying to help. But this post would paint them as abusive and the child’s natural empathy as a toxic defense mechanism

I think even that is too specific…

Indeed it was too specific, but so was the post… a cabinet slam and/or a father being quiet is a far cry from symptoms of an abusive household

That’s my point. They insinuate an abusive environment but then lay out a perfectly normal one.

It’s like implying anyone who has a zip of beer is a ranging violent alcoholic

Where is the abuse or neglect of a father being quiet during one dinner?

Again, I do think I know where this is coming from… but what is written in the post is NOT that.

This post is like describing a baseball butt slap as sexual abuse… yes, there is such a thing as sexual abuse but a friendly butt slap in baseball is basically in the baseball manual

yes, this is why I said “I see where this is coming from” but I still find the framing completely irresponsible

I participate heavily in pretty much every aspect of my house (I am just more of a “high energy” person compared with my wife) Sometimes, I feel down and do get quiet. If my kids (grown already) noticed and tried to cheer me up, I would take that as an incredible sign of love and affection as it is a sign of emotional maturity from them as well as a healthy display of empathy.

What is described in this post, seems to me a normal household where humans, not robots, live.

Completely different story about parents whose mood swings go from loving to beaters, for example… but again, the wording of the post frames very normal human behaviour as abusive

Ok, still not sure I get you… hurt through empathy is still a good thing (kind of like pain due to exercise)

Empathy is a double edged sword

No it isn’t. I can’t think of a drawback to empathy that is worse than anything caused by lack of empathy. Specially empathy towards loved ones