“You there … make that great screaming noise again when I impale this thing. Hey! Are you even listening?”

There is no I in raper.

🪞 Skinnyfat physique

Don’t forget to hydrate.

My joke comment was based on love! I actually started my professional career with VB (3 no less) and it was an excellent language for what it was good for, mainly building good UIs. Sure, it could be – and was – used to create unearthly horrors, but that’s true of every language and platform.

Don’t cry, babe – at least I didn’t say Visual Basic.

Why do bars have parking lots?

They’re still a thing everywhere in Louisiana. They put a piece of scotch tape over the lid which of course is just a completely unsolvable puzzle until you get home with it.

I’m squishing your head.

I woke up one night to my cat batting me in the face over and over again, something he never did. I was sleeping on the couch in the living room and when I put my feet down on the carpet they went squish. My cat liked to sleep in the bathroom sink, and on this night he managed to simultaneously push the drain closed and flip up the faucet lever. The sink had no overflow drain (I have no idea why not) so it just started flooding the whole house. I don’t know how long this went on, but most of the first floor carpet was soaked and a bunch of water had gone into the basement through the floorboards and vents.

I was really impressed that Mr. Needy knew something was wrong and that he needed to wake me the fuck up to deal with it.

He spent a fortune in reddit psychophants, cartoon spotlights, TV exposure, and other media to get people the progressives to like him.

Has Dave Chappelle ever said how much Elon paid him to appear onstage with him?

“This is my son, Kevlar.”

Hindi film music it is. “Who is this Johnny Jonnam guy she keeps singing about?”

I don’t think it’s even “they” any more.

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They do restrict airflow, so if you suck the same way on an unfiltered cig it’ll fuck you up. But if you think they make you less likely to get cancer or lung disease, there’s absolutely no evidence of that.

I’m a school bus driver! It’s a great gig because on school days I have plenty of time for a 25 mile ride between my morning and afternoon runs, and on weekends and in the summer I have enough time for a 50 every morning.

Maybe you could tow your kids in one of those deathtraps some people use? I dunno, kids always look so fucking miserable in those things.

Ironically, Marlboro started out as a brand targeted at women (which was true of all the original filtered cigarettes). It was only later rebranded for macho men.

Lot of fun facts about filtered cigarettes, like the fact that they don’t filter shit and are actually just filled with chemicals that turn them brown when exposed to smoke so that people think they’re doing something. Also fun: the earliest filters contained asbestos.

If we remember that we evolved as persistence hunters

Some fun facts: Grover Krantz – the guy who first posited the “running man” theory – was better-known as a staunch believer in the existence of Bigfoot. Also, his skeleton and the skeleton of his favorite dog are on display at the Smithsonian for some reason.

Personally, I can’t believe anybody could possibly believe in Bigfoot. It’s obviously just a Yeti in a gorilla suit.

vigorous exercise provokes a lot of hunger

I’ve always found the opposite to be true but YMMV. My periods of weight gain have always resulted from eating out of boredom; the cycling I do (25 to 50 miles per day) improves my mental state and I don’t feel the same urge to constantly snack.