As an adult with both autism and ADHD, I partially disagree. Sometimes I really did need beating around the head with a proper, coherent structure.
I’ve slowly learnt to do this myself, but it took a long time to learn.
What is critical is getting a say in the structure. It’s also worth noting that what is critical can be very different to someone with autism. E.g. to an NT, wearing pants, to leave the house is critical. To an autistic person, the colour of them can feel even more important (or completely irrelevant, depending on the aspie). Both must be included in that structure planning.
I think the choice bit in the OP is key. Having someone swoop in to impose structure, no. Having someone help you create structure, yes, and that seems to be what OP is saying.
My point is that I fought that structure, tooth and nail. It took a long time for me to realise that I needed it. Choices help, but some rules need to be laid down, whether wanted or not.
As an adult with both autism and ADHD, I partially disagree. Sometimes I really did need beating around the head with a proper, coherent structure.
I’ve slowly learnt to do this myself, but it took a long time to learn.
What is critical is getting a say in the structure. It’s also worth noting that what is critical can be very different to someone with autism. E.g. to an NT, wearing pants, to leave the house is critical. To an autistic person, the colour of them can feel even more important (or completely irrelevant, depending on the aspie). Both must be included in that structure planning.
I think the choice bit in the OP is key. Having someone swoop in to impose structure, no. Having someone help you create structure, yes, and that seems to be what OP is saying.
My point is that I fought that structure, tooth and nail. It took a long time for me to realise that I needed it. Choices help, but some rules need to be laid down, whether wanted or not.
So in your case the offered/imposed format of structure ended up working.
Yeah, plenty of AuDHD have some form of pathological demand avoidance, and the demand they accept presented structure will likely be rejected.
So the person you’re responding to isn’t wrong. Structure is necessary, but it needs to be one you can accept, either offered or self-imposed.