In an ideal world I would like to choose the structure, but in reality some forced structure in which I can do my own thing works best for me. School didn’t work, I couldn’t do my own thing, but with work I could have my own routines within the strict structure of the company. Not having to think about the structure but just following it, although sometimes it restricts me and isn’t fun, is so much easier than creating the structure myself while at the same time also function properly.
As an adult with both autism and ADHD, I partially disagree. Sometimes I really did need beating around the head with a proper, coherent structure.
I’ve slowly learnt to do this myself, but it took a long time to learn.
What is critical is getting a say in the structure. It’s also worth noting that what is critical can be very different to someone with autism. E.g. to an NT, wearing pants, to leave the house is critical. To an autistic person, the colour of them can feel even more important (or completely irrelevant, depending on the aspie). Both must be included in that structure planning.
I think the choice bit in the OP is key. Having someone swoop in to impose structure, no. Having someone help you create structure, yes, and that seems to be what OP is saying.
My point is that I fought that structure, tooth and nail. It took a long time for me to realise that I needed it. Choices help, but some rules need to be laid down, whether wanted or not.
So in your case the offered/imposed format of structure ended up working.
Yeah, plenty of AuDHD have some form of pathological demand avoidance, and the demand they accept presented structure will likely be rejected.
So the person you’re responding to isn’t wrong. Structure is necessary, but it needs to be one you can accept, either offered or self-imposed.
One of my father’s ex-GF wanted to force structure upon me after she heard I was autistic, also she stopped touching and hugging me.
My stepfather was just a scumbag, who thought computers made men gay or something, until he realized he could use the computer to browse the web for cars and racing content.
I’m not autistic. Can I please choose the structure that defines my life?
That would be great.
No way normie. Get back to suffering.
Joking aside, most people actually function somewhat well in the ‘normal’ systems. Accommodations for the disabled are because they don’t.
Now, if we designed a system that worked for more than just one standard deviation, that would be the best thing.
i wish i knew what kind of structure i need
School really fucked me over for this reason, I almost certainly got some trauma from it but it’s a depressing story
My kin
I was “sick” so very often just to get out of that prison
me too, but my parents caught on pretty quick and forced me to anyways
I learned how to make myself throw up on demand at least
My boss is a little upset that I won’t accept his structure this summer–four 10-hour days. I chose to use some vacation time instead. That’s my structure.
For what it’s worth, I actually prefer 4x10’s instead of the usual 5x8’s that office jobs fall into. The work day tends to slog near the end, but I tend to struggle primarily with executive dysfunction. If I’m already at work, that issue is largely solved, due to the fact that I’m already working. It means I struggle to get ready for work one fewer day per week.
Also, every weekend is a three day weekend. It’s nice because two days is not enough to get everything done that the household needs and have time to relax. On a two day weekend, I spend the entire weekend doing chores or errands. But with a three day weekend, I typically have a full day to do fuck all. Also, having a weekday off to run errands is nice. Everything is closed on Sunday, so consistently having a day where everything is reliably open is nice. Doctors appointment? No need to burn PTO at work; just schedule it for your weekday off.
I work from home three days a week ( in summer it will be two with Fridays off), so I can manage my executive dysfunction fairly well–unless the boss gets a boner for deadlines. That happens typically once a year.
Autistic People need to choose their structure
I mean, broadly speaking, that’s not how structure works. You can, at best, get the illusion of choice between Structure Coke and Structure Pepsi. But the point of a structured system is that it remains uniform enough for easy access and integration. If it’s got a thousand little exceptions and carve-outs, it’s not a structured system at all.
“I should get to choose how I live” works right up until your lifestyle bumps up against someone else’s. And then you need to find common ground or compromise.
The problem autistic people face is the overwhelming structural bias that works against them. They’re largely excluded from the planning of physical and social systems that they need to take part in as a predicate for survival. But “I should just be allowed to opt-out” isn’t a real solution when it means demanding everyone you interface with opt-in to your bespoke set of rules.
This ends in segregation, not social choice.
Large pools of activists and advocates working together to fashion a society that is broadly accommodating to the population as a whole is the path forward. Individualism and atomization is just a social divide-and-conquer strategy that pits special interest groups against one another for common pools of resources.
