My mums been in hospital for 10 weeks. She only 62 and was admitted for a fairly routine infection after chemo for breast cancer. Since she’s been in hospital I’ve lost count of all the things that have gone wrong but the most distressing thing is the hospital delirium she’s developed. I’d never have believed my mum could become so violent and abusive, it’s like she’s a completely different person. She has absolutely no agency over her body at the moment, she can’t even sit up unaided. It’s so horribly undignified that it’s completely cemented my decision to commit suicide once I get a terminal diagnosis (or a diagnosis that I know I couldn’t deal with graciously). I can’t have children so it’s a small comfort that I won’t inflict the pain and heartbreak I’m experiencing from my mum, but I don’t ever want to treat my partner how she’s treating my dad. I’m going out on my own terms if at all possible.
Don’t worry, I have a life threatening illness and reduced life expectancy anyway. And I’m not suicidal. It was already my preferred way to go, this ordeal with my mum just made it crystal clear in my mind. Thankfully I have access to everything I need already so I wouldn’t get anyone else in trouble and my loved ones understand my decision and feel similarly. It being legal would be a bonus, but I’m not letting a law stop me.