I was an avid nginx user but having caddy handle the ssl certificate creation and renewal is amazing.

I probably am outdated on nginx (maybe it supports it?) but caddy is what I use from here on out.

Amazing and heart warming to read! Sometimes all it takes for things to change are the actions of an individual!

Provided this is not a joke, have you considered that this might be a coping mechanism? Almost the same way that people cutting themselves is a way of coping with stress or depression.

I would recommend talking to your GP or a psychologist.