So there’s this girl in one of my classes who is autistic. She seems like a lot of fun, and I’ve had an interest in trying to make friends with her. The issue is, She has a tendency to constantly think out loud. She’s always shouting , complaining or moaning during class. On top of it, she’s one of those people that’s obsessed with academics and only expects perfection. Last year, We had a class together that I was not very good in. I complained to a friend about it because the teacher was a tough grader and was never willing to help me. Unfortunately, the girl overheard me and started yelling at me that it wasn’t that bad. She’s always a teacher’s pet, so I’m not surprised that she likes every class she’s in. I am the opposite of her, a quiet student with fair grades.
When she’s not constantly fixated on school, she actually a lot of fun. She often talks about children’s TV shows and school events. She also asks questions and the school, since she doesn’t live on campus. Another thing is that she’s very strict with people swearing, which might help me as I have a tendency to swear often. I haven’t interacted with her much since I often get annoyed by her, but also, because her and I both struggle with communication, and tend to get frustrated when we disagree with something somebody says. She’s also extremely sensitive, And only wants to talk about particular topics, Which I understand because I’m the same way, but her constant moaning and complaining drives me to not want to be around her.
What should I do? She seems like a really fun person and someone I can definitely benefit from, but at the same time she can be super annoying.
examine the part of yourself that finds other people annoying. typically when we react on such a way to someone else, it’s because something about them is reminding us about something we don’t like about ourselves.
people who don’t work in mental health or have learning problems tend not to ever think about stuff like this so when somebody is annoying, they’re just annoying and that’s their fault.
but living with autism you’ll find that most people are going to find very arbitrary and sad reasons to be annoyed with you. if you want to get along more and avoid falling into that trap yourself, it helps first develope some compassion for the things about yourself you feel like weren’t good enough. like, the things maybe you did as a kid then got really ashamed and made yourself stop. for autistics it tends to be simple stuff like talking over others or being stubborn or sensitive.
it’s not like you have to start being a child yourself again, just notice those things and remember they are all a part of the human condition and everyone is on their own journey to overcome their own problems. then when you notice those things in other people, it won’t feel so upsetting or overstimulating.
also, you can still have your own boundaries while using empathy and being friends. like, sure maybe swearing does bother her and that’s valid to feel but she isn’t entitled to police your language. this is a boundary you can express and maybe she might respect it if you also respect her too
Yeah, I think it’s important to say both: she can be annoying to you,and it’s fine if that bothers you, but also often it’s a sign that we should be more open.
Don’t get me wrong, I had friendships where I started getting really annoyed and became passive aggressive so that I had to take a step back, and sometimes things don’t work out, but trying to understand her may help you.
One thing I need other autistic people to help me with: would it be fine to just ask why she is loud and stuff? Maybe there’s a reason and it helps you understand. Then again it could be rude so idk.
Solid! I think you put that better than I did in less words.
my two cents for your question, I personally would rather people just ask me to lower my voice. but I’m older and understand I just get too stoked sometimes. if someone asked me for a reason, I might get confused and unable to parse what they were actually needing from me.