cross-posted from: https://programming.dev/post/14816537
I’m 43 years old but apparently I have a baby face, good hair for my age and everyone believes I’m in my mid 20s, even though I already have some gray hairs nobody seems to notice (so far).
I started the lie: first time I started my last job at a hospital immediately after my bachelor and told my new coworkers my real age (38 at the time) they started judging me: why are you not married, why don’t you have children, what have you done in the last 20 years.
The way these women asked was accusatory, like I’m a failure for being almost 40 and not having children or being single. At that moment I decided next time somebody at the workplace asks me for my age, to blatantly and shamelessly lie: I’m 25, leave me alone.
Since that bad experience I’ve worked at 2 other hospitals and my lie has always helped: patients and coworkers believe I’m 25 because as said I look like it, don’t pester me about children or marriage and while my current coworkers are gossips and need drama to live, they don’t push my buttons because I don’t give them any ammunition. It’s tolerable.
Note that I didn’t lie in my application and accounting and management at my workplace know very well my real age, but my coworkers and direct manager are oblivious to it: On my first day I just told them I’m 25 and they didn’t question it.
Now, I have the body of a 43 year old, meaning I don’t lift heavy patients like a 25 year old and sometimes I come home with back pain. I don’t know if I’d get better assignments if I’m sincere about my age (I’d like that, but is it realistic?). I just don’t want to get to 65 with a broken back. I don’t want drama either, just to work and go home.
I lie to protect myself.
If I need to change this, why and how?
Why:
You’re lying to your coworkers, and while you think you can pass for 25, you said you’ve been using it for 3 jobs now and have graying hair?
Like, lots of older guys drastically overestimate how young they still look, and people go along with it because why have the awkward conversation calling out an obvious lie?
How:
Just stop lying to everyone?
Like if you meant how to do that without everyone thinking negative things…
You shouldn’t have told people you’re almost 20 years older than you told them.
They’re going to doubt everything you tell them, and in a medical setting that’s a big deal.
You can try to keep pretending, but at some point it’ll come out, if they don’t already all know.
I’ve been graying since 23yo to be fair
Same, it’s been very slow, but it started then
It was slow initially, then it picked up a lot in the last ~5-6 years. My beard is unequivocally gray colored at this point, and my sideburns are graying.
Coincidentally, I had my first son around that time…
I’m confused by your “why” - why should they be honest about their age? Why is it anyone else’s business?
Bro is saying he’s 20 years younger than he is…
He’s not passing for 25.
Lots of middle age guys lie about their age, very very few are cocky enough to lie by this large of amount. And the amount that actually looked 25 at 43 is statistically zero.
Like, yeah, Paul Rudd is real person, but we know who Paul Rudd is because he’s the exception.
He could have easily just said “I don’t want to say”. But now he probably has a reputation as the creepy dude who thinks he looks 25.
I’m not saying that’s right, I’m saying that’s most likely what’s happening.
He said he even told his direct supervisor he was 25, date of birth is pretty basic information. A direct supervisor in a medical field is eventually going to see it on a form somewhere if they haven’t already
Even OPs supposed reason for doing this, could just be solved by saying “I don’t want to talk about it” to those questions.
So it doesn’t seem presumptuous to think he might not be that great with social interactions and cues.
He might just be another middle age dude that thinks people are falling for his obvious lies about his age.
It’s not exactly a rare thing like I said, the only rare thing is the balls to go 20 years younger.
Yea, but my question is why does this actually matter. How old your coworkers are is their private information that they can share with you if they wish. At my current company most of the more senior employees are millenials but we do have some Gen Xers that have faced open age discrimination at other jobs and, well, it doesn’t fucking matter as long as you can do the job. Women, especially, tend to get a lot of shit if they’re older and don’t have children or, God forbid, aren’t married - so I can absolutely understand why you’d want to dodge that judgment.
You aren’t entitled to any private information about your coworkers, and that’s a good thing. I am quite confused why this is important because it’s not relevant to the extremely limited relationship you’re forming as coworkers.
Because coworkers need to trust each other, especially in healthcare.
Literally no one has said differently.
It’s just ironic a random 25 year old would have the maturity to just decline to answer if they didn’t want to.
OP is 43 years old and can’t handle that, so instead they claim to be 20 years younger, which very few people are probably falling for.
Yea, okay, especially the sibling response has made me reconsider. Lying about your age seems feels a lot more cringey then just deflecting and refusing to answer.
He should just not answer the question.
If I catch someone in just one lie, my estime of them usually plummets and I question most things they say afterwards. Not to mention lying about something obvious kind of makes you look schizophrenic.
That is a very fair perspective, but it can be difficult to do in a gossipy setting. Declining to answer or deflecting would be the approach I’d suggest to anyone who isn’t comfortable giving their age.
But, there are very legitimate reasons to avoid disclosing your age as people have stereotypes and preconceptions that you may want to avoid.
Edit to add:
As I ponder, I’m starting to agree more that it’s creepy to tell a bald-faced lie like that. But at one of my jobs, I was the youngest developer (but had a full beard) when it was revealed how young I was there were a few coworkers that just stopped taking my opinions seriously. I stand by refusing to disclose your age, but I do agree that outright lying is a bad option.