DM’d, thank you friend.

Thank you for this. My wife left about a week ago. It blindsided me, but I’m hindsight I could have seen it. She’s been throwing herself into her work for the last 4 years. I felt the lack of love, but never had the tools to express my needs. Whenever we talked about it, we ended up fighting.

In hindsight, if someone is not feeling love in a marriage, why would they stay?

Like you, we also always thought we had the tools to work things out.

I’ve learned now that in our relationship she has been anxiously attached – it makes sense now why I could never have the “rational” kind of conversation I wanted with her.

Meanwhile I have been avoidant or possibly fearful-avoidant. What I thought of as “taking a break in an argument when things get heated” to go independently deal with my emotions must have been painful for her, and she would then chase me. End result: neither of us was able to regulate our emotions.

I’ve was open to ENM in our relationship, but she was against it, so we never persued it. So it stings even more seeing signs that she’s been cheating on me. Though I guess, even in ENM, why would you keep seeing a partner whom you feel no love for anymore?

In the last week I have been cramming attachment theory, Gottman, NVC, trying to have some idea of what the hell happened. Now I realize that if I don’t work on myself, I will bring all of my problems to any future relationship. I’m only at the very start of the journey, and every day is still painful – our relationship lasted 15 years, and that can’t be unwound quickly.

Thank you for this. I have been struggling the last few days more than ever before. Someday I’ll get through it. But that day isn’t today.

Saw them here and it was amazing.

You are so cool.

You can connect Jellyfin to an SSO provider. It still needs work, and client support is lacking. Ideally I think it maybe should be built in rather than a plug-in (would definitely encourage more client support). But it exists.

https://github.com/9p4/jellyfin-plugin-sso

Feature request for oidc/sso:

https://features.jellyfin.org/posts/230/support-for-oidc-oauth-sso

As it stands, you could enable both the SSO and LDAP plugins, and let users do password resets entirely through your auth provider.

Basically, this is all stuff that comes with Plex out-of-the-box, but you sort of have to glue it together yourself with Jellyfin, and it’s not yet in an ideal state. Plex is much much easier to configure. I wouldn’t allow yourself to believe that Plex doing all this for you will make you totally secure through – there’s been multiple incidents with their auth, and IIRC the LastPass attacker pivoted from a weak Plex install. Just food for thought.

I see. The word lie is strong, and it’s entirely within the realm of possibility that you never had any issues arise with your install. I see your point, and apologize for perhaps a bit of grandstanding on my behalf. I was more focused on the pros/cons of different types of distros, and missed the reason why you were acting defensively.

I feel this kind of conversation still isn’t super helpful though (for either of you). I mean it clearly can be true that one person (or one chunk of the community) has no issues, while another person (and maybe another good chunk of the community) does have issues. Though perhaps in getting involved, I haven’t really helped either.

I’ve had my own issues with two different laptops over the years, and in that time I’ve seen multiple packaging/dependency issues hit a majority of Arch users. My own issues are often caused by bugs on the bleeding edge that users on a non-rolling distro dodge altogether. For me these have mostly been easy to resolve, but it’s a much different experience compared with “stable” distros, where similar changes that require manual intervention (ideally) happen at a predictable cadence, and are well-documented in release notes.

I still strongly prefer Arch, as I’ve hit showstoppers and annoyances with “stable” distros as well. I guess I’m saying I don’t really understand your responses, and why you seem so critical of user anecdotes in this space, when your original comment was a (perfectly fine) anecdote about how everything’s working for you. That’s great! But we can also point to many examples caused directly by bugs or dependency issues that only crop up in a rolling release. Taking all these data together, good and bad, pros and cons, working and not working, can help us learn and form a more complete picture of reality.

What you’ve said is true, though it’s a bit of a trade-off – over the years I’ve wasted so many hours with those “user friendly” distros because I need a newer version of a dependency, or I need to install something that isn’t in the repos. Worst case I have to figure out how to compile it myself.

It’s very rare to find something that isn’t in the Arch official repos or the AUR. Personally I’ve found that being on the bleeding edge tends to save me time in the long run, as there’s almost no barriers to getting the packages that I need.

I had the same surgery for $7600 a year ago.

My glasses prescription was really strong, and my corneas are really thin, so LASIK wasn’t an option for me.

Anyone considering this surgery should research the side effects and risks (there are some meta-papers in medical journals that go over these items).

I experienced all of the visual artifacts below in the days/weeks after my surgery. At first they were very bad/noticeable.

After a couple of weeks, the only major issue was still getting halos. (Occasionally I also get the ghosting like in the Netflix image especially if my eyes are very tired).

Those have gradually diminished over the last year, and 99.9% of the time, I don’t even notice that I have the lenses in.

Night driving is a bit more annoying because I still get a lot of halos there, but it’s manageable, and my brain is better at filtering them out.

Overall getting this surgery was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I see better than 20/20, and no longer have to wear glasses/contacts. But I’m saying (to anyone reading this and considering it), go into it with the expectation of some risk (e.g. could cause early cataracts), and give your body time to recover from the surgery and your brain time to adapt & filter out the halos.

Yes, what you’re saying is the idea, and why I went with this setup.

I am running raidz2 on all my arrays, so I can pull any 2 disks from an array and my data is still there.

Currently I have 3 arrays of 8 disks each, organized into a single pool.

You can set similar up with any raid system, but so far Truenas has been rock solid and intuitive to me. My gripes are mostly around the (long) journey to “just Docker” for services. The parts of the UI / system that deals with storage seems to have a high focus on reliability / durability.

Latest version of Truenas supports Docker as “apps” where you can input all config through the UI. I prefer editing the config as yaml, so the only “app” I installed is Dockge. It lets me add Docker compose stacks, so I edit the compose files and run everything through Dockge. Useful as most arrs have example Docker compose files.

For hardware I went with just an off-the-shelf desktop motherboard, and a case with 8 hot swap bays. I also have an HBA expansion card connected via PCI, with two additional 8 bay enclosures on the backplane. You can start with what you need now (just the single case/drive bays), and expand later (raidz expansion makes this easier, since it’s now possible to add disks to an existing array).

If I was going to start over, I might consider a proper rack with a disk tray enclosure.

You do want a good amount of RAM for zfs.

For boot, I recommend a mirror at least two of the cheapest SSD you can find each in an enclosure connected via USB. Boot doesn’t need to be that fast. Do not use thumb drives unless you’re fine with replacing them every few months.

For docker services, I recommend a mirror of two reasonable size SSDs. Jellyfin/Plex in particular benefit from an SSD for loading metadata. And back up the entire services partition (dataset) to your pool regularly. If you don’t splurge for a mirror, at least do the backups. (Can you tell who previously had the single SSD running all of his services fail on him?)

For torrents I am considering a cache SSD that will simply exist for incoming, incomplete torrents. They will get moved to the pool upon completion. This reduces fragmentation in the pool, since ZFS cannot defragment. Currently I’m using the services mirror SSDs for that purpose. This is really a long-term concern. I’ve run my pool for almost 10 years now, and most of the time wrote incomplete torrents directly to the pool. Performance still seems fine.

Now that Truenas Scale supports just plain Docker (and it’s running on Debian) I think it’s a great option for an all-in-one media box. I’ve had my complaints with Truenas over the years, but it’s done a really great job at preventing me from shooting myself in the foot when it comes to my data.

I believe raidz expansion is also now in stable (though still better to do a bit of planning for your pool before pulling the trigger).

Seems like people have been doing this enough that companies have started to disable the functionality. Comcast will just hang up on you nowadays if you spam zero.

My trick lately to speed things up with Comcast is just go straight to cancellations. I always immediately get a human on the phone. I them tell them what I’m actually calling about, and they will then transfer me to the correct department.

In the Mood for Love is phenomenal.

Eat Drink Man Woman is one I’ve re watched a number of times.

I wouldn’t say either are movies everybody needs to watch, but they are great movies.

I remember watching this when I was 9 years old and feeling vaguely traumatized.

Could be they want to hit a certain category (groceries) on the card. Maybe they are also trying to meet minimum spend on a new card.

For those who shop a lot on Amazon, the Chase Amazon Visa is probably worth it since it always gets 5-6%, but if you don’t have that card, using gift cards to hit a grocery category seems reasonable. Slightly more hassle, but at least you can split purchases on Amazon.

Google will also try to block you from their RCS servers if they detect you’re rooted, causing your messages to be silently downgraded. It’s pretty bad.

Utah fry sauce

I’ve definitely had that feeling before. I was really into Chinese rock bands and bought a bunch of CDs. I’ve been slowly uploading them. I mean China is a big country with lots of people, so it’s not like these bands are completely unknown, but when I used to go to concerts in China some of the groups that I thought rocked the hardest didn’t tend to pull big crowds. And when you look on Chinese Internet for this stuff, you usually find crappy MP3s, not rips following proper procedures.

I still think about the band where I showed up late because the train to Beijing was delayed and then the taxi driver couldn’t find the venue address, so I just barely caught their last song. Then afterwards I was hanging out chatting with people and they were like, since you only got to hear one song you deserve to meet the singer. And they were friends with the singer so they called her to come out. It seemed like she was blown away that any foreign fans at all are into her music, and when she found out I didn’t yet have a place to stay for the night and was planning to find a last minute hostel or hotel she said “no, you’re not doing that, you’re staying with my friends who have a spare room”.

Whenever I rip & upload Chinese rock, I think about those people who were so friendly and gracious towards me. Like who tf invites some random stranger at a rock concert over like that. And none of those bands, even the ones that made it “big” really got the attention that I thought they deserved. They were pouring their heart and soul into their music.

Sometimes I buy CDs and rip to flac so that really obscure shit doesn’t get lost forever.